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Area code for the States of Australia
State Name State Code Area Code
New South Wales NSW 02
Australian Capital Territory ACT 02
Victoria VIC 03
Queensland QLD 07
Tasmania TAS 03
South Australia SA 08
Western Australia WA 08
Northern Territory NT 08
New South Wales NSW 02
Australian Capital Territory ACT 02
Victoria VIC 03
Queensland QLD 07
Tasmania TAS 03
South Australia SA 08
Western Australia WA 08
Northern Territory NT 08
Monday, December 14, 2009
Bd under water.
Bangladesh is set to disappear under the waves by the end of the century - A special report by Johann Hari
Bangladesh, the most crowded nation on earth, is set to disappear under the waves by the end of this century – and we will be to blame. Johann Hari took a journey to see for himself how western profligacy and indifference have sealed the fate of 150 million peoplewent to see for himself the spreading misery and destruction as the ocean reclaims the land on which so many millions depend
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Battling the waves: many Bangladeshis depend on the ocean
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This spring, I took a month-long road trip across a country that we – you, me and everyone we know – are killing. One day, not long into my journey, I travelled over tiny ridges and groaning bridges on the back of a motorbike to reach the remote village of Munshigonj. The surviving villagers – gaunt, creased people – were sitting by a stagnant pond. They told me, slowly, what we have done to them.
Ten years ago, the village began to die. First, many of the trees turned a strange brownish-yellow colour and rotted. Then the rice paddies stopped growing and festered in the water. Then the fish floated to the surface of the rivers, gasping. Then many of the animals began to die. Then many of the children began to die.
The waters flowing through Munshigonj – which had once been sweet and clear and teeming with life – had turned salty and dead.
Arita Rani, a 25-year-old, sat looking at the salt water, swaddled in a blue sari and her grief. "We couldn't drink the water from the river, because it was suddenly full of salt and made us sick," she said. "So I had to give my children water from this pond. I knew it was a bad idea. People wash in this pond. It's dirty. So we all got dysentery." She keeps staring at its surface. "I have had it for 10 years now. You feel weak all the time, and you have terrible stomach pains. You need to run to the toilet 10 times a day. My boy Shupria was seven and he had this for his whole life. He was so weak, and kept getting coughs and fevers. And then one morning..."
Her mother interrupted the trailing silence. "He died," she said. Now Arita's surviving three-year-old, Ashik, is sick, too. He is sprawled on his back on the floor. He keeps collapsing; his eyes are watery and distant. His distended stomach feels like a balloon pumped full of water. "Why did this happen?" Arita asked.
It is happening because of us. Every flight, every hamburger, every coal power plant, ends here, with this. Bangladesh is a flat, low-lying land made of silt, squeezed in between the melting mountains of the Himalayas and the rising seas of the Bay of Bengal. As the world warms, the sea is swelling – and wiping Bangladesh off the map.
Deep below the ground of Munshigonj and thousands of villages like it, salt water is swelling up. It is this process – called "saline inundation" – that killed their trees and their fields and contaminated their drinking water. Some farmers have shifted from growing rice to farming shrimp – but that employs less than a quarter of the people, and it makes them dependent on a fickle export market. The scientific evidence shows that unless we change now, this salt water will keep rising and rising, until everything here is ocean.
I decided to embark on this trip when, sitting in my air-conditioned flat in London, I noticed a strange and seemingly impossible detail in a scientific report. The International Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) – whose predictions have consistently turned out to be underestimates – said that Bangladesh is on course to lose 17 per cent of its land and 30 per cent of its food production by 2050. For America, this would be equivalent to California and New York State drowning, and the entire mid-West turning salty and barren.
Surely this couldn't be right? How could more than 20 million Bangladeshis be turned into refugees so suddenly and so silently? I dug deeper, hoping it would be disproved – and found that many climatologists think the IPCC is way too optimistic about Bangladesh. I turned to Professor James Hansen, the director of Nasa's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, whose climate calculations have proved to be more accurate than anybody else's. He believes the melting of the Greenland ice cap being picked up by his satellites today, now, suggests we are facing a 25-metre rise in sea levels this century – which would drown Bangladesh entirely. When I heard this, I knew I had to go, and see.
1. The edge of a cliff
The first thing that happens when you arrive in Dhaka is that you stop. And wait. And wait. And all you see around you are cars, and all you hear is screaming. Bangladesh's capital is in permanent shrieking gridlock, with miles of rickshaws and mobile heaps of rust. The traffic advances by inches and by howling. Each driver screams himself hoarse announc-ing – that was my lane! Stay there! Stop moving! Go back! Go forward! It is a good-natured shrieking: everybody knows that this is what you do in Dhaka. If you are lucky, you enter a slipstream of traffic that moves for a minute – until the jams back up and the screaming begins once more.
Around you, this megalopolis of 20 million people seems to be screaming itself conscious. People burn rubbish by the roadside, or loll in the rivers. Children with skin deformities that look like infected burns try to thrust maps or sweets into your hand. Rickshaw drivers with thighs of steel pedal furious-ly as whole families cling on and offer their own high-volume traffic commentary to the groaning driver, and the groaning city.
I wanted to wade through all this chaos to find Bangladesh's climate scientists, who are toiling in the crannies of the city to figure out what – if anything – can be saved.
Dr Atiq Rahman's office in downtown Dhaka is a nest of scientific reports and books that, at every question, he dives into to reel off figures. He is a tidy, grey-moustached man who speaks English very fast, as if he is running out of time.
"It is clear from all the data we are gathering here in Bangladesh that the IPCC predictions were much too conservative," he said. He should know: he is one of the IPCC's leading members, and the UN has given him an award for his unusually prescient predictions. His work is used as one of the standard textbooks across the world, including at Oxford and Harvard. "We are facing a catastrophe in this country. We are talking about an absolutely massive displacement of human beings."
He handed me shafts of scientific studies as he explained: "This is the ground zero of global warming." He listed the effects. The seas are rising, so land is being claimed from the outside. (The largest island in the country, Bhola, has lost half its land in the past decade.) The rivers are super-charged, becoming wider and wider, so land is being claimed from within. (Erosion is up by 40 per cent). Cyclones are becoming more intense and more violent (2007 was the worst year on record for intense hurricanes here). And salt water is rendering the land barren. (The rate of saline inundation has trebled in the past 20 years.) "There is no question," Dr Rahman said, "that this is being caused primarily by human action. This is way outside natural variation. If you really want people in the West to understand the effect they are having here, it's simple. From now on, we need to have a system where for every 10,000 tons of carbon you emit, you have to take a Bangladeshi family to live with you. It is your responsibility." In the past, he has called it "climatic genocide".
The worst-case scenario, Dr Rahman said, is if one of the world's land-based ice-sheets breaks up. "Then we lose 70 to 80 per cent of our land, including Dhaka. It's a different world, and we're not on it. The evidence from Jim Hansen shows this is becoming more likely – and it can happen quickly and irreversibly. My best understanding of the evidence is that this will probably happen towards the end of the lifetime of babies born today."
I walked out in the ceaseless churning noise of Dhaka. Everywhere I looked, people were building and making and living: my eyes skimmed up higher and higher and find more and more activity. A team of workers were building a house; behind and above them, children were sewing mattresses on a roof; behind and above them, more men were building taller buildings. This is the most cramped country on earth: 150 million people living in an area the size of Iowa. Could all this life really be continuing on the crumbling edge of a cliff?
2. 'It is like the Bay is angry'
I was hurtling through the darkness at 120mph with my new driver, Shambrat. He was red-eyed from chewing pan, a leaf-stimulant that makes you buzz, and I could see nothing except the tiny pools of light cast by the car. They showed we were on narrow roads, darting between rice paddies and emptied shack-towns, in the midnight silence. I kept trying to put on my seatbelt, but every time Shambrat would cry, "You no need seatbelt! I good driver!" and burst into hysterical giggles.
To see if the seas were really rising, I had circled a random low-lying island on the map called Moheshkhali and asked Shambrat to get me there. It turned out the only route was to go to Coxs Bazar – Bangladesh's Blackpool – and then take a small wooden rowing boat that has a huge chugging engine attached to the front. I clambered in alongside three old men, a small herd of goats, and some chickens. The boat was operated by a 10-year-old child, whose job is to point the boat in the right direction, start the engine, and then begin using a small jug to frantically scoop out the water that starts to leak in. After an hour of the deafening ack-ack of the engine, we arrived at the muddy coast of Moheshkhali.
There was a makeshift wooden pier, where men were waiting with large sacks of salt. As we climbed up on to the fragile boards, people helped the old men lift up the animals. There were men mooching around the pier, waiting for a delivery. They looked bemused by my arrival. I asked them if the sea levels were rising here. Rezaul Karim Chowdry, a 34-year-old who looked like he is in his fifties, said plainly: "Of course. In the past 30 years, two-thirds of this island has gone under the water. I had to abandon my house. The land has gone into the sea." Immediately all the other men start to recount their stories. They have lost their houses, their land, and family members to the advance.
They agreed to show me their vanishing island. We clambered into a tuc-tuc – a motorbike with a carriage on the back – and set off across the island, riding along narrow ridges between cordoned-off areas of sand and salt. The men explained that this is salt-farming: the salt left behind by the tide is gathered and sold. "It is one of the last forms of farming that we can still do here," Rezaul said. As we passed through the forest, he told me to be careful: "Since we started to lose all our land, gangs are fighting for the territory that is left. They are very violent. A woman was shot in the crossfire yesterday. They will not like an outsider appearing from nowhere."
We pulled up outside a vast concrete structure on stilts. This, the men explained, is the cyclone shelter built by the Japanese years ago. We climbed to the top, and looked out towards the ocean. "Do you see the top of a tree, sticking out there?" Rezaul said, pointing into the far distance. I couldn't see anything, but then, eventually, I spotted a tiny jutting brown-green tip. "That is where my house was." When did you leave it? "In 2002. The ocean is coming very fast now. We think all this" – he waved his hand back over the island – "will be gone in 15 years."
Outside the rusty house next door, an ancient-looking man with a long grey beard was sitting cross-legged. I approached him, and he rose slowly. His name was Abdul Zabar; he didn't know his age, but guessed he is 80. "I was born here," he said. "There" – and he points out to the sea. "The island began to be swallowed in the 1960s, and it started going really quickly in 1991. I have lost my land, so I can't grow anything... I only live because one of my sons got a job in Saudi Arabia and sends money back to us. I am very frightened, but what can I do? I can only trust in God." The sea stops just in front of his home. What will you do, I asked, if it comes closer? "We will have nowhere to go to."
I was taken to the island's dam. It is a long stretch of hardened clay and concrete and mud. "This used to be enough," a man called Abul Kashin said, "but then the sea got so high that it came over the dam." They have tried to pile lumps of concrete on top, but they are simply washed away. "My family have left the island," he continued, "They were so sad to go. This is my homeland. If we had to leave here to go to some other place, it would be the worst day of my life."
Twenty years ago, there were 30,000 people on this island. There are 18,000 now – and most think they will be the last inhabitants.
On the beach, there were large wooden fishing boats lying unused. Abu Bashir, a lined, thin 28-year-old, pointed to his boat and said, "Fishing is almost impossible now. The waves are much bigger than they used to be. It used to be fine to go out in a normal [hand-rowed] boat. That is how my father and my grandfather and my ancestors lived.
"Now that is impossible. You need a [motor-driven] boat, and even that is thrown about by the waves so much. It's like the bay is angry."
The other fishermen burst in. "When there is a cyclone warning, we cannot go out fishing for 10 days. That is a lot of business lost. There used to be two or three warnings a year. Last year, there were 12. The sea is so violent. We are going hungry."
Yet the islanders insisted on offering me a feast of rice and fish and eggs. I was ushered into the council leader's house – a rusty shack near the sea – and the men sat around, urging me to tell the world what is happening. "If people know what is happening to us, they will help," they said. The women remained in the back room; when I glimpsed them and tried to thank them for the food, they giggled and vanished. I asked if the men had heard of global warming, and they looked puzzled. "No," they said. We stared out at the ocean and ate, as the sun slowly set on the island.
3. No hiding place
Through the morning mist, I peered out of the car window at the cratered landscape. Trees jutted out at surreal angles from the ground. One lay upside down with its roots sticking upwards towards the sky, looking like a sketch for a Dali painting. Shambrat had spat out his pan and was driving slowly now. "There are holes in the ground," he said, squinting with concentration. "From the cyclone. You fall in..." He made a splattering sound.
It was here, in the south of Bangladesh, that on 15 November last year, Cyclone Sidr arrived. It formed in the warmed Bay of Bengal and ripped across the land, taking more than 3,000 people with it. Like Americans talking about 9/11, everybody in Bangladesh knows where they were when Sidr struck. For miles, the upturned and smashed-out houses are intermixed with tents made from blue plastic sheeting. These stretches of plastic were handed out by the charities in the weeks after Sidr, and many families are still living in them now.
There have always been cyclones in Bangladesh, and there always will be – but global warming is making them much more violent. Back in Dhaka, the climatologist Ahsan Uddin Ahmed explained that cyclones use heat as a fuel: "The sea surface temperatures in the Bay of Bengal have been rising steadily for the past 40 years – and so, exactly as you would expect, the intensity of cyclones has risen too. They're up by 39 per cent on average." Again I circled a cyclone-struck island at random and headed for the dot.
The hour-long journey on a wooden rowing boat from the mainland to Charkashem Island passed in a dense mist that made it feel like crossing the River Styx. The spectral outline of other boats could sometimes be glimpsed, before they disappeared suddenly. One moment an old woman and a goat appeared and stared at me, then they were gone.
The island was a tiny dot of mud and lush, upturned greenery. It had no pier, so when the rowing boat bumped up against the sand I had to wade through the water.
I looked out over the silent island, and saw some familiar blue sheeting in the distance. As I trudged towards it, I saw some gaunt teenagers half-heartedly kicking a deflated football. From the sheeting, a man and woman stared, astonished.
"I was in my fields over there," Hanif Mridha said. "I saw the wind start, it was about eight at night, and I saw everything being blown around. I went and hid under an iron sheet, but that was blown away by the wind. The water came swelling up all of a sudden and was crashing all around me. I grabbed one of my children and ran to the forest" – he pointed to the cluster of trees at the heart of the island – "and climbed the tallest one I could reach. I went as high as I could but still the water kept rising and I thought – this is it, I'm going to drown. I'm dying, my children are dying, my wife is dying. I could see everything was under water and people were screaming everywhere. I held there for four hours with my son."
When the water washed away and he came down, everything was gone: his house, his crops, his animals, his possessions. A few days later, an aid agency arrived with some rice and some plastic sheeting to sleep under. Nobody has come since.
His wife, Begum Mridha, took over the story. Their children are terrified of the sea now, and have nightmares every night. They eat once a day, if they're lucky. "We are so hungry," she said. The new home they have built is made from twigs and the plastic sheet. Underneath it, they sleep with their eight children and Begum Mridha's mother. The children lay lethargically there, staring blankly into space over their distended bellies.
Begum Mridha cooks on a lantern. They eat once a day – if that. "It's so cold at night we can't sleep," she said. "The children all have diarrhoea and they are losing weight. It will take us more than two years to save up and get back what we had."
If cyclones hit this area more often, what would happen to you? Hanif looked down. He opened his mouth, but no words came.
4. Bangladesh's Noah
In the middle of Bangladesh, in the middle of my road trip, I tracked down Abul Hasanat Mohammed Rezwan. He was sitting under a parasol by the banks of a river, scribbling frenetically into his notebook.
"The catastrophe in Bangladesh has begun," he said. "The warnings [by the IPCC] are unfolding much faster than anyone anticipated." Until a few years ago, Rezwan was an architect, designing buildings for rich people – "but I thought, is this what I want to do while my country drowns? Create buildings that will be under water soon anyway?"
He considered dedicating his life to building schools and hospitals, "but then I realised they would be under water soon as well. I was hopeless. But then I thought of boats!"
He has turned himself into Bangladesh's Noah, urging his people to move on to boats as the Great Flood comes. Rezwan built a charity – Shidhulai Swanirvar Sangstha, which means self-reliance – that is building the only schools and hospitals and homes that can last now: ones that float.
We clambered on to his first school-boat, which is moored in Singra. In this area there is no electricity, no sewage system, and no state. The residents live the short lives of pre-modern people. But now, suddenly, they have a fleet of these boats, stocked with medicines and lined with books on everything from Shakespeare to accountancy to climatology. Nestling between them, there are six internet terminals with broadband access.
The boat began to float down the Curnai River, gathering scores of beaming kids as it went. Fatima Jahan, an unveiled 18-year-old girl dressed in bright red, arrived to go online. She was desperate to know the cricket scores. At every muddy village-stop, the boat inhaled more children, and I talked to the mothers who were beating their washing dry by the river. "I never went to school, and I never saw a doctor in my life. Now my children can do both!" a thin woman with a shimmering heart-shaped nose stud called Nurjahan Rupbhan told me. But when I asked about the changes in the climate, her forehead crumpled into long frown-lines.
I thought back to what the scientists told me in Dhaka. Bangladesh is a country with 230 rivers running through it like veins. They irrigate the land and give it its incredible fertility – but now the rivers are becoming supercharged. More water is coming down from the melting Himalayan glaciers, and more salt water is pushing up from the rising oceans. These two forces meet here in the heart of Bangladesh and make the rivers churn up – eroding the river banks with amazing speed. The water is getting wider, leaving the people to survive on ever-more narrow strips of land.
Nurjahan took me up to a crumbling river edge, where tree roots jutted out naked. "My house was here," she said. "It fell into the water. So now my house is here –" she motioned to a small clay hut behind us – "but now we realise this is going to fall in too. The river gets wider day by day."
But even this, Nurjahan said, is not the worst problem. The annual floods have become far more extreme, too. "Until about 10 years ago, the floods came every year and the water would stay for 15 days, and it helped to wet the land. Now the water stays for four months. Four months! It is too long. That doesn't wet the fields, it destroys them. We cannot plan for anything."
When the floods came last year, Nurjahan had no choice but to stay here. She lived with her children waist-deep in the cold brown water – for four months. "It was really hard to cook, or go to the toilet. We all got dysentery. It was miserable." Then she seemed to chastise herself. "But we survived! We are tough, don't you think?"
We sat by the river-bank, our feet dangling down towards the river. I asked if she agrees with Rezwan that her only option soon will be to move on to a boat. He is launching the first models this summer: floating homes with trays of earth where families can grow food. "Yes," she said, "We will be boat-people."
I clambered back on to one of the 42 school-boats in this area. Young children were in the front chanting the alphabet, and teenagers at the back were browsing through the books. I asked a 16-year-old boy called Mohammed Palosh Ali what he was reading about, and he said, "Global warming." I felt a small jolt. He was the first person to spontaneously raise global warming with me. Can you tell me what that is? "The climate is being changed by carbon dioxide," he said. "This is a gas that traps heat. So if there is more of it, then the ice in the north of the world melts and our seas rise here."
I asked if he had seen this warming in his own life. "Of course! The floods in 1998 and 2002 were worse than anything in my grandfather's life. We couldn't get any drinking water, so the dirty water I drank made me very sick. The shit from the toilet pits had risen up and was floating in the water, but we still had to drink it. We put tablets in it but it was still disgusting. What else could we do?"
Mohammed, do you know who is responsible for this global warming? He shakes his head. That answer lies a few pages further into the book. Soon he, and everybody else on this boat, will know it is me – and you.
5. The warming jihad
What happens to a country's mind as it drowns? Professor Philip Jenkins of Pennsylvania State University believes he can glimpse the answer: "The connection between climate change and religious violence is not tenuous," he says. "In fact, there's a historical indicator of how it could unfold: the Little Ice Age."
Between the ninth and 13th centuries, the northern hemisphere went through a natural phase of global warming. The harvests lasted longer – so there were more crops, and more leisure. Universities and the arts began to flower. But then in the late 13th century, the Little Ice Age struck. Crop production fell, and pack ice formed in the oceans, wrecking trade routes. People began to starve.
"In this climate of death and horror, people cast about for scapegoats, even before the Black Death struck," he says. Tolerance withered with the climate shocks: the Church declared witchcraft a heresy; the Jews began to be expelled from Britain. There was, he says, "a very close correlation between the cooling and a region-wide heightening of violent intolerance."
This time, there will be no need for imaginary scapegoats. The people responsible are on every TV screen, revving up their engines. Will jihadism swell with the rising seas? Bangladesh's religion seems to be low-key and local. In the countryside, Muslims – who make up 95 per cent of the nation – still worship Hindu saints and mix in a few Buddhist ideas, too. In the Arab world, people bring up God in almost every sentence. In Bangladesh, nobody does.
But then, as we returned to Dhaka, I was having a casual conversation with Shambrat. He had been driving all night – at his insistence – and by this point he was wired after chewing fistfuls of pan, and singing along at the top of his voice to the Eighties power ballads. I mentioned Osama bin Laden in passing, and he said, "Bin Laden – great man! He fight for Islam!" Then, without looking at me, he went back to singing: "It must have been love, but it's over now...."
I wondered how many Bangladeshis felt this way. The Chandni Chowk Bazaar – one of the city's main markets – was overcast the afternoon I decided to canvass opinions on Bin Laden. I approached a 24-year-old flower-seller called Mohammed Ashid, and as I inhaled the rich sweet scent of roses, he said: "I like him because he is a Muslim and I am a Muslim." Would you like Bin Laden to be in charge of Bangladesh? "Yes, of course," he said. And what would President Bin Laden do? "I have no idea," he shrugged. What would you want him to do? He furrowed his brow. "If Osama came to power he would make women cover up. Women are too free here." But what if women don't want to cover up? "They are Muslims. It's not up to them."
A very smartly dressed man called Shadul Ahmed was strolling down the street to his office, where he is in charge of advertising. "I like him," he said. "Bin Laden works for the Muslims." He conceded 9/11 "was bad because many innocents died," but added: "Osama didn't do it. The Americans did it. They are guilty."
As dozens of people paused from their shopping to talk, a pattern emerged: the men tend to like him, and the women don't. "I hate Bin Laden," one smartly dressed woman said, declining to give her name. "He is a fanatic. Bangladeshis do not like this." As the praise for Bin Laden was offered, I saw a boy go past on a rickshaw, stroking a girl's uncovered hair gently, sensuously. This is not the Arab world.
The only unpleasant moment came when I approached three women selling cigarettes by the side of the road. They were in their early thirties, wearing white hijabs and puffing away. Akli Mouna said, "I like him. He is a faithful Muslim." She said "it would be very nice" if he was president of Bangladesh. Really? Would you be happy if you were forced to wear a burqa, and only rarely allowed out of your house? She jabbed a finger at my chest. "Yes! It would be fine if Osama was president and told us to wear the burqa." But Akli – you aren't wearing a burqa now. "It's good to wear the burqa!" she yelled. Her teeth, I saw, were brown and rotting. "We are only here because we are poor! We should be kept in the house!"
I wanted to track down some Bangladeshi jihadis for myself, so I called the journalist Abu Sufian. He is a news reporter for BanglaVision, one of the main news channels, who made his name penetrating the thickets of the Islamist underground. He told me to meet him at the top of the BanglaVision skyscraper. As the city shrieked below us, he explained: "In the late 1980s, a group of mujahideen [holy warriors] who had been fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan came back to launch an Islamic revolution here in Bangladesh. They tried to mount an armed revolt in the north and kill the former Prime Minister. But it didn't come to much."
Islamic fundamentalism is hobbled in Bangladesh, because it is still associated for most people with Paki-stan – the country Bangladesh fought a bloody war of independence to escape from.
But Sufian says a new generation of Islamists is emerging with no memory of that war. "For example, I met a 21-year-old who had fought in Kashmir, whose father was a rickshaw driver. He said it was his holy duty to establish an Islamic state here through violence. Most were teenagers. All the jihadis I met hated democracy. They said it was the rule of man. According to them, only the rule of God is acceptable."
He said it would be almost impossible to track them down – they are in prison or hiding – but my best bet was to head for the Al-Amin Jami mosque in the north-west of Dhaka. "They are fundamentalist Wahhabis, and very dangerous," he said. Yet when I arrived, just before 6pm prayers, it was a bright building in one of the nicer parts of town. Men in white caps and white robes were streaming in. An ice-cream stall sat outside. I approached a fiftysomething man in flowing robes and designer shoes. He glared at me. I explained I was a journalist, and ask if it would it be possible to look inside the mosque? "No. Under no circumstances. At all."
OK. I asked a few polite questions about Islam, and then asked what he thought of Osama bin Laden. "Osama bin Laden?" he said. Yes. He scowled. "I have never heard of him." Never? "Never." I turned to the man standing, expectantly, next to him. "He has not heard of Osama bin Laden, either," he said. What about September 11 – you know, when the towers in New York fell? "I have never heard of this event, either." Some teenage boys were about to go in, so I approached them. Behind my back, I can sense the Gucci-man making gestures. "Uh... sorry... I don't think anything about Bin Laden," one of them said, awkwardly.
I lingered as prayers took place inside, until a flow of men poured out so thick and fast that they couldn't be instructed not to speak. "Yes, we would like Osama to run Bangladesh, he is a good man," the first person told me. There were nods. "He fights for Islam!" shouted another.
The crowd says this mosque – like most fundamentalist mosques on earth – is funded by Saudi Arabia, with the money you and I pay at the petrol pump. As I looked up at its green minaret jutting into the sky, it occurs to me that our oil purchases are simultaneously drowning Bangladesh, and paying for the victims to be fundamentalised.
After half-an-hour of watching this conversation and fuming, the initially recalcitrant man strode forward. "Why do you want to know about Bin Laden? We are Muslims. You are Christian. We all believe in the same God!" he announced.
Actually, I said, I am not a Christian. There was a hushed pause. "You are... a Jew?" he said. The crowd looked horrified; but then the man forced a rictus smile and announced: "We all believe in one God! We are all children of Abraham! We are cousins!" No, I said. I am an atheist. Everyone looked genuinely puzzled; they do not have a bromide for this occasion. "Well... then..." he paused, scrambling for a statement... "You must convert to Islam! Read the Koran! It is beautiful!" Ah – so can I come into the mosque after all? "No. Never."
6. The obituarist?
In a small café in Dhaka, a cool breeze was blowing in through the window along with the endless traffic-screams. The 32-year-old novelist Tahmima Anam was inhaling the aroma of coffee and close to despair.
She made her name by writing a tender novel – A Golden Age – about the birth of her country, Bangladesh. When the British finally withdrew from this subcontinent in 1948, the land they left behind was partitioned. Two chunks were carved out of India and declared to be a Muslim republic – East Pakistan and West Pakistan. But apart from their religion, they had very little in common. The gentle people of East Pakistan chafed under the dictatorial fundamentalism imposed from distant Islamabad. When they were ordered to start speaking Urdu, it was enough. Her novel tells how in 1971, they decided to declare independence and become Bangladesh. The Pakistanis fought back with staggering violence, but in the end Bangladesh was freed.
Now Anam is realising that unless we change, fast, this fight will have been for the freedom of a drowning land – and her next novel may have to be its obituary.
Anam came to Bangladesh late. Her Dhaka-born parents travelled the world, so she grew up in a slew of international schools, but she always dreamed of coming home. Her passion for this land, this place, this delta, aches through her work. About one of her characters, she wrote: "He had a love for all things Bengali: the swimming mud of the delta; the translucent, bony river fish; the shocking green palette of the paddy and the open, aching blue of the sky over flat land."
"You can see what has started to happen," she says. The vision of the country drowning is becoming more real every day. Where could all these 150 million people go? India is already building a border fence to keep them out; I can't imagine the country's other neighbour – Burma – will offer much refuge. "We are the first to be affected, not the last," Anam says. "Everyone should take a good look at Bangladesh. This story will become your story. We are your future."
It is, she says, our responsibility to stop this slow-mo drowning – and there is still time to save most of the country. "What could any Bangladeshi government do? We have virtually no carbon emissions to cut." They currently stand at 0.3 per cent of the world's – less than the island of Manhattan. "It's up to you."
Anam is defiantly optimistic that this change can happen if enough of us work for it – but, like every scientist I spoke to, she knows that dealing with it simply by adaptation by Bangladeshis is impossible. The country has a military-approved dictatorship incapable of taking long-term decisions, and Dutch-style dams won't work anyway. "Any large-scale construction is very hard in this country, because it's all made of shifting silt. There's nothing to build on."
So if we carry on as we are, Bangladesh will enter its endgame. "All the people who strain at this country's seams will drown with it," Anam says, "or be blown away to distant shores – casualties and refugees by the millions." The headstone would read, Bangladesh, 1971-2071: born in blood, died in water.
Bangladesh, the most crowded nation on earth, is set to disappear under the waves by the end of this century – and we will be to blame. Johann Hari took a journey to see for himself how western profligacy and indifference have sealed the fate of 150 million peoplewent to see for himself the spreading misery and destruction as the ocean reclaims the land on which so many millions depend
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Battling the waves: many Bangladeshis depend on the ocean
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This spring, I took a month-long road trip across a country that we – you, me and everyone we know – are killing. One day, not long into my journey, I travelled over tiny ridges and groaning bridges on the back of a motorbike to reach the remote village of Munshigonj. The surviving villagers – gaunt, creased people – were sitting by a stagnant pond. They told me, slowly, what we have done to them.
Ten years ago, the village began to die. First, many of the trees turned a strange brownish-yellow colour and rotted. Then the rice paddies stopped growing and festered in the water. Then the fish floated to the surface of the rivers, gasping. Then many of the animals began to die. Then many of the children began to die.
The waters flowing through Munshigonj – which had once been sweet and clear and teeming with life – had turned salty and dead.
Arita Rani, a 25-year-old, sat looking at the salt water, swaddled in a blue sari and her grief. "We couldn't drink the water from the river, because it was suddenly full of salt and made us sick," she said. "So I had to give my children water from this pond. I knew it was a bad idea. People wash in this pond. It's dirty. So we all got dysentery." She keeps staring at its surface. "I have had it for 10 years now. You feel weak all the time, and you have terrible stomach pains. You need to run to the toilet 10 times a day. My boy Shupria was seven and he had this for his whole life. He was so weak, and kept getting coughs and fevers. And then one morning..."
Her mother interrupted the trailing silence. "He died," she said. Now Arita's surviving three-year-old, Ashik, is sick, too. He is sprawled on his back on the floor. He keeps collapsing; his eyes are watery and distant. His distended stomach feels like a balloon pumped full of water. "Why did this happen?" Arita asked.
It is happening because of us. Every flight, every hamburger, every coal power plant, ends here, with this. Bangladesh is a flat, low-lying land made of silt, squeezed in between the melting mountains of the Himalayas and the rising seas of the Bay of Bengal. As the world warms, the sea is swelling – and wiping Bangladesh off the map.
Deep below the ground of Munshigonj and thousands of villages like it, salt water is swelling up. It is this process – called "saline inundation" – that killed their trees and their fields and contaminated their drinking water. Some farmers have shifted from growing rice to farming shrimp – but that employs less than a quarter of the people, and it makes them dependent on a fickle export market. The scientific evidence shows that unless we change now, this salt water will keep rising and rising, until everything here is ocean.
I decided to embark on this trip when, sitting in my air-conditioned flat in London, I noticed a strange and seemingly impossible detail in a scientific report. The International Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) – whose predictions have consistently turned out to be underestimates – said that Bangladesh is on course to lose 17 per cent of its land and 30 per cent of its food production by 2050. For America, this would be equivalent to California and New York State drowning, and the entire mid-West turning salty and barren.
Surely this couldn't be right? How could more than 20 million Bangladeshis be turned into refugees so suddenly and so silently? I dug deeper, hoping it would be disproved – and found that many climatologists think the IPCC is way too optimistic about Bangladesh. I turned to Professor James Hansen, the director of Nasa's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, whose climate calculations have proved to be more accurate than anybody else's. He believes the melting of the Greenland ice cap being picked up by his satellites today, now, suggests we are facing a 25-metre rise in sea levels this century – which would drown Bangladesh entirely. When I heard this, I knew I had to go, and see.
1. The edge of a cliff
The first thing that happens when you arrive in Dhaka is that you stop. And wait. And wait. And all you see around you are cars, and all you hear is screaming. Bangladesh's capital is in permanent shrieking gridlock, with miles of rickshaws and mobile heaps of rust. The traffic advances by inches and by howling. Each driver screams himself hoarse announc-ing – that was my lane! Stay there! Stop moving! Go back! Go forward! It is a good-natured shrieking: everybody knows that this is what you do in Dhaka. If you are lucky, you enter a slipstream of traffic that moves for a minute – until the jams back up and the screaming begins once more.
Around you, this megalopolis of 20 million people seems to be screaming itself conscious. People burn rubbish by the roadside, or loll in the rivers. Children with skin deformities that look like infected burns try to thrust maps or sweets into your hand. Rickshaw drivers with thighs of steel pedal furious-ly as whole families cling on and offer their own high-volume traffic commentary to the groaning driver, and the groaning city.
I wanted to wade through all this chaos to find Bangladesh's climate scientists, who are toiling in the crannies of the city to figure out what – if anything – can be saved.
Dr Atiq Rahman's office in downtown Dhaka is a nest of scientific reports and books that, at every question, he dives into to reel off figures. He is a tidy, grey-moustached man who speaks English very fast, as if he is running out of time.
"It is clear from all the data we are gathering here in Bangladesh that the IPCC predictions were much too conservative," he said. He should know: he is one of the IPCC's leading members, and the UN has given him an award for his unusually prescient predictions. His work is used as one of the standard textbooks across the world, including at Oxford and Harvard. "We are facing a catastrophe in this country. We are talking about an absolutely massive displacement of human beings."
He handed me shafts of scientific studies as he explained: "This is the ground zero of global warming." He listed the effects. The seas are rising, so land is being claimed from the outside. (The largest island in the country, Bhola, has lost half its land in the past decade.) The rivers are super-charged, becoming wider and wider, so land is being claimed from within. (Erosion is up by 40 per cent). Cyclones are becoming more intense and more violent (2007 was the worst year on record for intense hurricanes here). And salt water is rendering the land barren. (The rate of saline inundation has trebled in the past 20 years.) "There is no question," Dr Rahman said, "that this is being caused primarily by human action. This is way outside natural variation. If you really want people in the West to understand the effect they are having here, it's simple. From now on, we need to have a system where for every 10,000 tons of carbon you emit, you have to take a Bangladeshi family to live with you. It is your responsibility." In the past, he has called it "climatic genocide".
The worst-case scenario, Dr Rahman said, is if one of the world's land-based ice-sheets breaks up. "Then we lose 70 to 80 per cent of our land, including Dhaka. It's a different world, and we're not on it. The evidence from Jim Hansen shows this is becoming more likely – and it can happen quickly and irreversibly. My best understanding of the evidence is that this will probably happen towards the end of the lifetime of babies born today."
I walked out in the ceaseless churning noise of Dhaka. Everywhere I looked, people were building and making and living: my eyes skimmed up higher and higher and find more and more activity. A team of workers were building a house; behind and above them, children were sewing mattresses on a roof; behind and above them, more men were building taller buildings. This is the most cramped country on earth: 150 million people living in an area the size of Iowa. Could all this life really be continuing on the crumbling edge of a cliff?
2. 'It is like the Bay is angry'
I was hurtling through the darkness at 120mph with my new driver, Shambrat. He was red-eyed from chewing pan, a leaf-stimulant that makes you buzz, and I could see nothing except the tiny pools of light cast by the car. They showed we were on narrow roads, darting between rice paddies and emptied shack-towns, in the midnight silence. I kept trying to put on my seatbelt, but every time Shambrat would cry, "You no need seatbelt! I good driver!" and burst into hysterical giggles.
To see if the seas were really rising, I had circled a random low-lying island on the map called Moheshkhali and asked Shambrat to get me there. It turned out the only route was to go to Coxs Bazar – Bangladesh's Blackpool – and then take a small wooden rowing boat that has a huge chugging engine attached to the front. I clambered in alongside three old men, a small herd of goats, and some chickens. The boat was operated by a 10-year-old child, whose job is to point the boat in the right direction, start the engine, and then begin using a small jug to frantically scoop out the water that starts to leak in. After an hour of the deafening ack-ack of the engine, we arrived at the muddy coast of Moheshkhali.
There was a makeshift wooden pier, where men were waiting with large sacks of salt. As we climbed up on to the fragile boards, people helped the old men lift up the animals. There were men mooching around the pier, waiting for a delivery. They looked bemused by my arrival. I asked them if the sea levels were rising here. Rezaul Karim Chowdry, a 34-year-old who looked like he is in his fifties, said plainly: "Of course. In the past 30 years, two-thirds of this island has gone under the water. I had to abandon my house. The land has gone into the sea." Immediately all the other men start to recount their stories. They have lost their houses, their land, and family members to the advance.
They agreed to show me their vanishing island. We clambered into a tuc-tuc – a motorbike with a carriage on the back – and set off across the island, riding along narrow ridges between cordoned-off areas of sand and salt. The men explained that this is salt-farming: the salt left behind by the tide is gathered and sold. "It is one of the last forms of farming that we can still do here," Rezaul said. As we passed through the forest, he told me to be careful: "Since we started to lose all our land, gangs are fighting for the territory that is left. They are very violent. A woman was shot in the crossfire yesterday. They will not like an outsider appearing from nowhere."
We pulled up outside a vast concrete structure on stilts. This, the men explained, is the cyclone shelter built by the Japanese years ago. We climbed to the top, and looked out towards the ocean. "Do you see the top of a tree, sticking out there?" Rezaul said, pointing into the far distance. I couldn't see anything, but then, eventually, I spotted a tiny jutting brown-green tip. "That is where my house was." When did you leave it? "In 2002. The ocean is coming very fast now. We think all this" – he waved his hand back over the island – "will be gone in 15 years."
Outside the rusty house next door, an ancient-looking man with a long grey beard was sitting cross-legged. I approached him, and he rose slowly. His name was Abdul Zabar; he didn't know his age, but guessed he is 80. "I was born here," he said. "There" – and he points out to the sea. "The island began to be swallowed in the 1960s, and it started going really quickly in 1991. I have lost my land, so I can't grow anything... I only live because one of my sons got a job in Saudi Arabia and sends money back to us. I am very frightened, but what can I do? I can only trust in God." The sea stops just in front of his home. What will you do, I asked, if it comes closer? "We will have nowhere to go to."
I was taken to the island's dam. It is a long stretch of hardened clay and concrete and mud. "This used to be enough," a man called Abul Kashin said, "but then the sea got so high that it came over the dam." They have tried to pile lumps of concrete on top, but they are simply washed away. "My family have left the island," he continued, "They were so sad to go. This is my homeland. If we had to leave here to go to some other place, it would be the worst day of my life."
Twenty years ago, there were 30,000 people on this island. There are 18,000 now – and most think they will be the last inhabitants.
On the beach, there were large wooden fishing boats lying unused. Abu Bashir, a lined, thin 28-year-old, pointed to his boat and said, "Fishing is almost impossible now. The waves are much bigger than they used to be. It used to be fine to go out in a normal [hand-rowed] boat. That is how my father and my grandfather and my ancestors lived.
"Now that is impossible. You need a [motor-driven] boat, and even that is thrown about by the waves so much. It's like the bay is angry."
The other fishermen burst in. "When there is a cyclone warning, we cannot go out fishing for 10 days. That is a lot of business lost. There used to be two or three warnings a year. Last year, there were 12. The sea is so violent. We are going hungry."
Yet the islanders insisted on offering me a feast of rice and fish and eggs. I was ushered into the council leader's house – a rusty shack near the sea – and the men sat around, urging me to tell the world what is happening. "If people know what is happening to us, they will help," they said. The women remained in the back room; when I glimpsed them and tried to thank them for the food, they giggled and vanished. I asked if the men had heard of global warming, and they looked puzzled. "No," they said. We stared out at the ocean and ate, as the sun slowly set on the island.
3. No hiding place
Through the morning mist, I peered out of the car window at the cratered landscape. Trees jutted out at surreal angles from the ground. One lay upside down with its roots sticking upwards towards the sky, looking like a sketch for a Dali painting. Shambrat had spat out his pan and was driving slowly now. "There are holes in the ground," he said, squinting with concentration. "From the cyclone. You fall in..." He made a splattering sound.
It was here, in the south of Bangladesh, that on 15 November last year, Cyclone Sidr arrived. It formed in the warmed Bay of Bengal and ripped across the land, taking more than 3,000 people with it. Like Americans talking about 9/11, everybody in Bangladesh knows where they were when Sidr struck. For miles, the upturned and smashed-out houses are intermixed with tents made from blue plastic sheeting. These stretches of plastic were handed out by the charities in the weeks after Sidr, and many families are still living in them now.
There have always been cyclones in Bangladesh, and there always will be – but global warming is making them much more violent. Back in Dhaka, the climatologist Ahsan Uddin Ahmed explained that cyclones use heat as a fuel: "The sea surface temperatures in the Bay of Bengal have been rising steadily for the past 40 years – and so, exactly as you would expect, the intensity of cyclones has risen too. They're up by 39 per cent on average." Again I circled a cyclone-struck island at random and headed for the dot.
The hour-long journey on a wooden rowing boat from the mainland to Charkashem Island passed in a dense mist that made it feel like crossing the River Styx. The spectral outline of other boats could sometimes be glimpsed, before they disappeared suddenly. One moment an old woman and a goat appeared and stared at me, then they were gone.
The island was a tiny dot of mud and lush, upturned greenery. It had no pier, so when the rowing boat bumped up against the sand I had to wade through the water.
I looked out over the silent island, and saw some familiar blue sheeting in the distance. As I trudged towards it, I saw some gaunt teenagers half-heartedly kicking a deflated football. From the sheeting, a man and woman stared, astonished.
"I was in my fields over there," Hanif Mridha said. "I saw the wind start, it was about eight at night, and I saw everything being blown around. I went and hid under an iron sheet, but that was blown away by the wind. The water came swelling up all of a sudden and was crashing all around me. I grabbed one of my children and ran to the forest" – he pointed to the cluster of trees at the heart of the island – "and climbed the tallest one I could reach. I went as high as I could but still the water kept rising and I thought – this is it, I'm going to drown. I'm dying, my children are dying, my wife is dying. I could see everything was under water and people were screaming everywhere. I held there for four hours with my son."
When the water washed away and he came down, everything was gone: his house, his crops, his animals, his possessions. A few days later, an aid agency arrived with some rice and some plastic sheeting to sleep under. Nobody has come since.
His wife, Begum Mridha, took over the story. Their children are terrified of the sea now, and have nightmares every night. They eat once a day, if they're lucky. "We are so hungry," she said. The new home they have built is made from twigs and the plastic sheet. Underneath it, they sleep with their eight children and Begum Mridha's mother. The children lay lethargically there, staring blankly into space over their distended bellies.
Begum Mridha cooks on a lantern. They eat once a day – if that. "It's so cold at night we can't sleep," she said. "The children all have diarrhoea and they are losing weight. It will take us more than two years to save up and get back what we had."
If cyclones hit this area more often, what would happen to you? Hanif looked down. He opened his mouth, but no words came.
4. Bangladesh's Noah
In the middle of Bangladesh, in the middle of my road trip, I tracked down Abul Hasanat Mohammed Rezwan. He was sitting under a parasol by the banks of a river, scribbling frenetically into his notebook.
"The catastrophe in Bangladesh has begun," he said. "The warnings [by the IPCC] are unfolding much faster than anyone anticipated." Until a few years ago, Rezwan was an architect, designing buildings for rich people – "but I thought, is this what I want to do while my country drowns? Create buildings that will be under water soon anyway?"
He considered dedicating his life to building schools and hospitals, "but then I realised they would be under water soon as well. I was hopeless. But then I thought of boats!"
He has turned himself into Bangladesh's Noah, urging his people to move on to boats as the Great Flood comes. Rezwan built a charity – Shidhulai Swanirvar Sangstha, which means self-reliance – that is building the only schools and hospitals and homes that can last now: ones that float.
We clambered on to his first school-boat, which is moored in Singra. In this area there is no electricity, no sewage system, and no state. The residents live the short lives of pre-modern people. But now, suddenly, they have a fleet of these boats, stocked with medicines and lined with books on everything from Shakespeare to accountancy to climatology. Nestling between them, there are six internet terminals with broadband access.
The boat began to float down the Curnai River, gathering scores of beaming kids as it went. Fatima Jahan, an unveiled 18-year-old girl dressed in bright red, arrived to go online. She was desperate to know the cricket scores. At every muddy village-stop, the boat inhaled more children, and I talked to the mothers who were beating their washing dry by the river. "I never went to school, and I never saw a doctor in my life. Now my children can do both!" a thin woman with a shimmering heart-shaped nose stud called Nurjahan Rupbhan told me. But when I asked about the changes in the climate, her forehead crumpled into long frown-lines.
I thought back to what the scientists told me in Dhaka. Bangladesh is a country with 230 rivers running through it like veins. They irrigate the land and give it its incredible fertility – but now the rivers are becoming supercharged. More water is coming down from the melting Himalayan glaciers, and more salt water is pushing up from the rising oceans. These two forces meet here in the heart of Bangladesh and make the rivers churn up – eroding the river banks with amazing speed. The water is getting wider, leaving the people to survive on ever-more narrow strips of land.
Nurjahan took me up to a crumbling river edge, where tree roots jutted out naked. "My house was here," she said. "It fell into the water. So now my house is here –" she motioned to a small clay hut behind us – "but now we realise this is going to fall in too. The river gets wider day by day."
But even this, Nurjahan said, is not the worst problem. The annual floods have become far more extreme, too. "Until about 10 years ago, the floods came every year and the water would stay for 15 days, and it helped to wet the land. Now the water stays for four months. Four months! It is too long. That doesn't wet the fields, it destroys them. We cannot plan for anything."
When the floods came last year, Nurjahan had no choice but to stay here. She lived with her children waist-deep in the cold brown water – for four months. "It was really hard to cook, or go to the toilet. We all got dysentery. It was miserable." Then she seemed to chastise herself. "But we survived! We are tough, don't you think?"
We sat by the river-bank, our feet dangling down towards the river. I asked if she agrees with Rezwan that her only option soon will be to move on to a boat. He is launching the first models this summer: floating homes with trays of earth where families can grow food. "Yes," she said, "We will be boat-people."
I clambered back on to one of the 42 school-boats in this area. Young children were in the front chanting the alphabet, and teenagers at the back were browsing through the books. I asked a 16-year-old boy called Mohammed Palosh Ali what he was reading about, and he said, "Global warming." I felt a small jolt. He was the first person to spontaneously raise global warming with me. Can you tell me what that is? "The climate is being changed by carbon dioxide," he said. "This is a gas that traps heat. So if there is more of it, then the ice in the north of the world melts and our seas rise here."
I asked if he had seen this warming in his own life. "Of course! The floods in 1998 and 2002 were worse than anything in my grandfather's life. We couldn't get any drinking water, so the dirty water I drank made me very sick. The shit from the toilet pits had risen up and was floating in the water, but we still had to drink it. We put tablets in it but it was still disgusting. What else could we do?"
Mohammed, do you know who is responsible for this global warming? He shakes his head. That answer lies a few pages further into the book. Soon he, and everybody else on this boat, will know it is me – and you.
5. The warming jihad
What happens to a country's mind as it drowns? Professor Philip Jenkins of Pennsylvania State University believes he can glimpse the answer: "The connection between climate change and religious violence is not tenuous," he says. "In fact, there's a historical indicator of how it could unfold: the Little Ice Age."
Between the ninth and 13th centuries, the northern hemisphere went through a natural phase of global warming. The harvests lasted longer – so there were more crops, and more leisure. Universities and the arts began to flower. But then in the late 13th century, the Little Ice Age struck. Crop production fell, and pack ice formed in the oceans, wrecking trade routes. People began to starve.
"In this climate of death and horror, people cast about for scapegoats, even before the Black Death struck," he says. Tolerance withered with the climate shocks: the Church declared witchcraft a heresy; the Jews began to be expelled from Britain. There was, he says, "a very close correlation between the cooling and a region-wide heightening of violent intolerance."
This time, there will be no need for imaginary scapegoats. The people responsible are on every TV screen, revving up their engines. Will jihadism swell with the rising seas? Bangladesh's religion seems to be low-key and local. In the countryside, Muslims – who make up 95 per cent of the nation – still worship Hindu saints and mix in a few Buddhist ideas, too. In the Arab world, people bring up God in almost every sentence. In Bangladesh, nobody does.
But then, as we returned to Dhaka, I was having a casual conversation with Shambrat. He had been driving all night – at his insistence – and by this point he was wired after chewing fistfuls of pan, and singing along at the top of his voice to the Eighties power ballads. I mentioned Osama bin Laden in passing, and he said, "Bin Laden – great man! He fight for Islam!" Then, without looking at me, he went back to singing: "It must have been love, but it's over now...."
I wondered how many Bangladeshis felt this way. The Chandni Chowk Bazaar – one of the city's main markets – was overcast the afternoon I decided to canvass opinions on Bin Laden. I approached a 24-year-old flower-seller called Mohammed Ashid, and as I inhaled the rich sweet scent of roses, he said: "I like him because he is a Muslim and I am a Muslim." Would you like Bin Laden to be in charge of Bangladesh? "Yes, of course," he said. And what would President Bin Laden do? "I have no idea," he shrugged. What would you want him to do? He furrowed his brow. "If Osama came to power he would make women cover up. Women are too free here." But what if women don't want to cover up? "They are Muslims. It's not up to them."
A very smartly dressed man called Shadul Ahmed was strolling down the street to his office, where he is in charge of advertising. "I like him," he said. "Bin Laden works for the Muslims." He conceded 9/11 "was bad because many innocents died," but added: "Osama didn't do it. The Americans did it. They are guilty."
As dozens of people paused from their shopping to talk, a pattern emerged: the men tend to like him, and the women don't. "I hate Bin Laden," one smartly dressed woman said, declining to give her name. "He is a fanatic. Bangladeshis do not like this." As the praise for Bin Laden was offered, I saw a boy go past on a rickshaw, stroking a girl's uncovered hair gently, sensuously. This is not the Arab world.
The only unpleasant moment came when I approached three women selling cigarettes by the side of the road. They were in their early thirties, wearing white hijabs and puffing away. Akli Mouna said, "I like him. He is a faithful Muslim." She said "it would be very nice" if he was president of Bangladesh. Really? Would you be happy if you were forced to wear a burqa, and only rarely allowed out of your house? She jabbed a finger at my chest. "Yes! It would be fine if Osama was president and told us to wear the burqa." But Akli – you aren't wearing a burqa now. "It's good to wear the burqa!" she yelled. Her teeth, I saw, were brown and rotting. "We are only here because we are poor! We should be kept in the house!"
I wanted to track down some Bangladeshi jihadis for myself, so I called the journalist Abu Sufian. He is a news reporter for BanglaVision, one of the main news channels, who made his name penetrating the thickets of the Islamist underground. He told me to meet him at the top of the BanglaVision skyscraper. As the city shrieked below us, he explained: "In the late 1980s, a group of mujahideen [holy warriors] who had been fighting the Soviets in Afghanistan came back to launch an Islamic revolution here in Bangladesh. They tried to mount an armed revolt in the north and kill the former Prime Minister. But it didn't come to much."
Islamic fundamentalism is hobbled in Bangladesh, because it is still associated for most people with Paki-stan – the country Bangladesh fought a bloody war of independence to escape from.
But Sufian says a new generation of Islamists is emerging with no memory of that war. "For example, I met a 21-year-old who had fought in Kashmir, whose father was a rickshaw driver. He said it was his holy duty to establish an Islamic state here through violence. Most were teenagers. All the jihadis I met hated democracy. They said it was the rule of man. According to them, only the rule of God is acceptable."
He said it would be almost impossible to track them down – they are in prison or hiding – but my best bet was to head for the Al-Amin Jami mosque in the north-west of Dhaka. "They are fundamentalist Wahhabis, and very dangerous," he said. Yet when I arrived, just before 6pm prayers, it was a bright building in one of the nicer parts of town. Men in white caps and white robes were streaming in. An ice-cream stall sat outside. I approached a fiftysomething man in flowing robes and designer shoes. He glared at me. I explained I was a journalist, and ask if it would it be possible to look inside the mosque? "No. Under no circumstances. At all."
OK. I asked a few polite questions about Islam, and then asked what he thought of Osama bin Laden. "Osama bin Laden?" he said. Yes. He scowled. "I have never heard of him." Never? "Never." I turned to the man standing, expectantly, next to him. "He has not heard of Osama bin Laden, either," he said. What about September 11 – you know, when the towers in New York fell? "I have never heard of this event, either." Some teenage boys were about to go in, so I approached them. Behind my back, I can sense the Gucci-man making gestures. "Uh... sorry... I don't think anything about Bin Laden," one of them said, awkwardly.
I lingered as prayers took place inside, until a flow of men poured out so thick and fast that they couldn't be instructed not to speak. "Yes, we would like Osama to run Bangladesh, he is a good man," the first person told me. There were nods. "He fights for Islam!" shouted another.
The crowd says this mosque – like most fundamentalist mosques on earth – is funded by Saudi Arabia, with the money you and I pay at the petrol pump. As I looked up at its green minaret jutting into the sky, it occurs to me that our oil purchases are simultaneously drowning Bangladesh, and paying for the victims to be fundamentalised.
After half-an-hour of watching this conversation and fuming, the initially recalcitrant man strode forward. "Why do you want to know about Bin Laden? We are Muslims. You are Christian. We all believe in the same God!" he announced.
Actually, I said, I am not a Christian. There was a hushed pause. "You are... a Jew?" he said. The crowd looked horrified; but then the man forced a rictus smile and announced: "We all believe in one God! We are all children of Abraham! We are cousins!" No, I said. I am an atheist. Everyone looked genuinely puzzled; they do not have a bromide for this occasion. "Well... then..." he paused, scrambling for a statement... "You must convert to Islam! Read the Koran! It is beautiful!" Ah – so can I come into the mosque after all? "No. Never."
6. The obituarist?
In a small café in Dhaka, a cool breeze was blowing in through the window along with the endless traffic-screams. The 32-year-old novelist Tahmima Anam was inhaling the aroma of coffee and close to despair.
She made her name by writing a tender novel – A Golden Age – about the birth of her country, Bangladesh. When the British finally withdrew from this subcontinent in 1948, the land they left behind was partitioned. Two chunks were carved out of India and declared to be a Muslim republic – East Pakistan and West Pakistan. But apart from their religion, they had very little in common. The gentle people of East Pakistan chafed under the dictatorial fundamentalism imposed from distant Islamabad. When they were ordered to start speaking Urdu, it was enough. Her novel tells how in 1971, they decided to declare independence and become Bangladesh. The Pakistanis fought back with staggering violence, but in the end Bangladesh was freed.
Now Anam is realising that unless we change, fast, this fight will have been for the freedom of a drowning land – and her next novel may have to be its obituary.
Anam came to Bangladesh late. Her Dhaka-born parents travelled the world, so she grew up in a slew of international schools, but she always dreamed of coming home. Her passion for this land, this place, this delta, aches through her work. About one of her characters, she wrote: "He had a love for all things Bengali: the swimming mud of the delta; the translucent, bony river fish; the shocking green palette of the paddy and the open, aching blue of the sky over flat land."
"You can see what has started to happen," she says. The vision of the country drowning is becoming more real every day. Where could all these 150 million people go? India is already building a border fence to keep them out; I can't imagine the country's other neighbour – Burma – will offer much refuge. "We are the first to be affected, not the last," Anam says. "Everyone should take a good look at Bangladesh. This story will become your story. We are your future."
It is, she says, our responsibility to stop this slow-mo drowning – and there is still time to save most of the country. "What could any Bangladeshi government do? We have virtually no carbon emissions to cut." They currently stand at 0.3 per cent of the world's – less than the island of Manhattan. "It's up to you."
Anam is defiantly optimistic that this change can happen if enough of us work for it – but, like every scientist I spoke to, she knows that dealing with it simply by adaptation by Bangladeshis is impossible. The country has a military-approved dictatorship incapable of taking long-term decisions, and Dutch-style dams won't work anyway. "Any large-scale construction is very hard in this country, because it's all made of shifting silt. There's nothing to build on."
So if we carry on as we are, Bangladesh will enter its endgame. "All the people who strain at this country's seams will drown with it," Anam says, "or be blown away to distant shores – casualties and refugees by the millions." The headstone would read, Bangladesh, 1971-2071: born in blood, died in water.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Unweired Internet
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Head Office: +61 2 9231 6055
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Australia Postal
PO Box Q74
Queen Victoria Building
Sydney 1230
Australia
Sales and Support Enquiries: 1300 761 881
Mon - Fri: 7am - 11pm
Sat - Sun & Public Holidays: 9am - 5pm
Account Enquiries: 1300 761 881
Mon - Fri: 8am - 8pm
Sat - Sun & Public Holidays: 9am - 5pm
Head Office: +61 2 9231 6055
Skilled Migration Point Test
Skilled Migration Points Test
Condition Met
With ....
Points
Occupation Specialised professional or trade occupation 60
General professional occupation 50
Other general skilled occupations 40
Age 18 to 29 years 30
30 to 34 years 25
35 to 39 years 20
40 to 44 years 15
English Proficient English (IELTS score 7 x 4 or better) 25
Threshold English (IELTS score 5 x 4 or better) 15
Specific Work Experience Work experience closely related to nominated 60 point occupation for three of the last four years 10
Work experience in any occupation on the skilled occupation list for three of the last four years 5
Australian Work Experience Work experience closely related to the nominated occupation for one of the last four years 10
Professional Year closely related to nominated occupation 10
Australian Qualifications Doctorate (min. two years) 25
Masters/Honours with undergraduate degree (min. three years) 15
Degree/diploma/trade qualification (min 2 year study) 5
Occupation in Demand Work experience closely related to the nominated occupation for one of the last four years and an offer of relevant full-time employment 20
Work experience closely related to the nominated occupation for one of the last four years 15
Regional Study Met 2 years study requirement while living and studying in regional Australia 5
Partner Skills Partner meets threshold GSM requirements 5
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Condition Met
With ....
Points
Occupation Specialised professional or trade occupation 60
General professional occupation 50
Other general skilled occupations 40
Age 18 to 29 years 30
30 to 34 years 25
35 to 39 years 20
40 to 44 years 15
English Proficient English (IELTS score 7 x 4 or better) 25
Threshold English (IELTS score 5 x 4 or better) 15
Specific Work Experience Work experience closely related to nominated 60 point occupation for three of the last four years 10
Work experience in any occupation on the skilled occupation list for three of the last four years 5
Australian Work Experience Work experience closely related to the nominated occupation for one of the last four years 10
Professional Year closely related to nominated occupation 10
Australian Qualifications Doctorate (min. two years) 25
Masters/Honours with undergraduate degree (min. three years) 15
Degree/diploma/trade qualification (min 2 year study) 5
Occupation in Demand Work experience closely related to the nominated occupation for one of the last four years and an offer of relevant full-time employment 20
Work experience closely related to the nominated occupation for one of the last four years 15
Regional Study Met 2 years study requirement while living and studying in regional Australia 5
Partner Skills Partner meets threshold GSM requirements 5
Nomination Nominated by state or territory government 10
Designated Area Sponsorship Sponsored by Australian relative living in a designated area (only available to provisional visa applicants) 25
Designated Language Professional level language skills in a designated language 5
Pass & pool marks
Visa subclass Pass Mark Pool mark
Skilled Independent - subclass 175 120 points 100 points
Skilled Sponsored - subclass 176 100 points 80 points
Skilled regional Sponsored - subclass 475 100 points NA
Skilled Regional Sponsored - subclass 487 100 points NA
Skilled Independent - subclass 885 120 points NA
Skilled Sponsored - subclass 886 110 points NA
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
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Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, August 31, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Cover Letter
Mr John Smith,
Operations Manager,
XYZ Car Dealership,
MacGregor,
Queensland 4109.
Dear Mr Smith,
I am writing in response to your advertisement seeking a customer
manager to run XYZ Car Dealership's service centre.
As you will see from my enclosed/accompanying résumé, my skills
and experience are a good match for the position you are now
trying to fill.
I look forward to having an opportunity to meet with you to further
discuss how I can contribute to your team.
Yours sincerely,
Bill Brown
Phone
Email
_______________________________________________________________________
Mr John Smith,
Operations Manager,
XYZ Car Dealership,
MacGregor,
Queensland 4109.
Dear Mr Smith,
I am writing in response to your advertisement seeking a customer
services manager to run XYZ Car Dealership's service centre.
As you will see from my enclosed/accompanying résumé, my skills
and experience are a good match for the position you are now
trying to fill.
Of particular relevance is my five years experience working in a
similar role and the award I received for excellence in customer
service.
I'm aware of the high value XYZ Car Dealership places on service
and believe I share the same philosophy on customer care.
I look forward to having an opportunity to meet with you to discuss
how I could contribute to your team.
Yours sincerely,
Bill Brown
________________________________________________________________
Your Name
Address 1
Address 2
Phone
Email
Date
Dear Madam/Sir,
I read with interest your advertisement seeking an advertising sales
professional, as I believe I possess the attributes necessary to make
the role a success.
As you will see from my resume, I have a proven track record in
advertising sales as well as selling to all levels of management in
the tourist/hospitality/travel sector in 14 different countries
including Australia.
Adept at leading a team or working as part of a team, I am also an
enthusiastic self-starter able to work from home. I have initiative
and loads of drive. My personal motto is: "Never give up". Technical
skills include telephone and face-to-face selling, Word, Outlook and
Excel software proficiency and strong communication skills.
I hope to have an opportunity to meet with you to discuss how I
could contribute to your team.
Yours sincerely,
__________________________________________________________________
[Address]
[Suburb, State, Post Code]
[Date]
[Name of Hiring Manager, Title]
[Name of Company]
[Address]
[City, State Post Code]
Dear [Mr. or Ms.][Last Name],
[Write a brief explanation of your experience in the particular field and interest in the role advertised.
Make sure there is a great hook. You want to draw the reader in so that they want to know more about
you. This section should be limited to one paragraph only.]
[Example only]I am writing to express my interest in your advertisement/ current opening for a [……],and
submit my résumé for your review. Having served in sales and operational leadership roles for the past
8 years with continued success in meeting business/operational goals, I can make a valuable
contribution to your organisation’s future projects and initiatives.
[Sell yourself. Point out why you would be best for the role. Use examples/or use as a guide your current
or most recent position. Provide detailed summary of the role’s key responsibilities and accountabilities].
[Example only]What I bring to this position is a combination of team leadership, strategic planning, and
business development skills that I have leveraged to meet and exceed expectations. I have analysed
core operational/business functions and implemented the most appropriate solutions to drive continual
business growth.
I have demonstrated proficiency in all core office administration functions, including document
preparation, internal/external communications. I can manage the office environment without supervision,
juggle multiple tasks effectively, and maintain the confidentiality of highly sensitive materials.. Examples
of results from my experience with my current employer Hunter Pty LTD, include the following:
[Provide details of your key achievements in the role as separate bullet points ie targets/ KPI’s met
and/or exceeded. Do not exceed 3 points as you can go into more detail in your resume. Examples
below are for a sales role].
• Achievement of profit, sales volume, net price, and net revenue objectives as General
Manager;
• Average of over 20% sales growth across 4 years as Territory Sales Manager; and
• Implementation of programs to achieve quality and risk mitigation goals.
[Closing paragraph. In short explain the key aspects of working in sales and why you will make a good
addition to the company. Thank the person hiring and invite then to discuss any additional information
with you at there convenience. This section should be limited to 3 paragraphs]
[Example only]In previous positions, I increased sales performance and motivated teams to meet
employer objectives. Because my success in these areas covers multiple environments, I am confident I
can do the same as a member of your team.
My résumé contains additional details regarding my career achievements. I would welcome an
opportunity for an interview to discuss your organisation’s needs and the results you can expect from me
in addressing these.
I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest opportunity. .
[Address]
[Suburb, State, Post Code]
Sincerely yours,
[Name]
____________________________________________________________________________
cell: 555-555-5555
Date
Name
Job Title
Company
Street
City, State Zip
Dear Ms. LastName,
I am interested in applying for the scientific research summer internship position that was listed through the Name University Career Services Office.
I have had a great deal of laboratory experience in chemistry, biology, and geology, both indoors and in the field. In the lab, I have performed chemical reactions and I am currently using microscopes to observe many specimens. In environmental field studies, I have conducted outdoor labs to assess water chemistry.
Last summer, I worked as conservation assistant at Clumber National Park. I am seeking to complement this outdoor experience with a research internship in order to acquire the background necessary for a future career in scientific research.
I believe that I would an asset to your program. This internship would provide me with the ideal opportunity to assist at your organization and to expand my research skills.
I will call next week to see if you agree that my qualifications seem to be a match for the position. If so, I hope to schedule an interview at a mutually convenient time. I look forward to speaking with you.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Signature
FirstName LastName
___________________________________________________
Ms. Amanda Paulson
Universal Orlando
1000 Universal Studios Plaza
Orlando, Florida 32819-7610
Dear Ms. Paulson,
My unique mix of previous work experience and my status as a Stetson University business student in my junior year studying marketing, make me an ideal candidate for a summer internship with Universal Orlando
My experience in sales and customer relationship management, combined with my courses in marketing, have convinced me that hospitality marketing is a career option I would like to explore.
More importantly, an internship with Universal Orlando would be mutually beneficial. Your company has an excellent reputation for customer satisfaction, and I know that the combination of my experience, education, and motivation to excel will make me an asset to your marketing department.
I am sure that it would be worthwhile for us to meet. I will contact you within a week to arrange a meeting. Should you have any questions before that time, you may reach me via phone (386-555-2922) or via email (christina@stetson.edu).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Christina Appleton
________________________________________________________________________________
Jack Richardson,
HR Manager,Universal corp.
323 South Avon Drive,
Milton, NY 10945,
(914) 555-2909.
Dear Mr. Richardson,
I am a student from State University and completed my graduation in marketing, also I am having one year of work experience in same field. This makes me an ideal candidate for the internship position with Universal corp.
I would like to explore my career in sales and customer relationship management. My previous work experience and course in this field convinced me to choose my career in hospitality marketing.
The important thing is to have an internship with company like Universal, Corp. to get more knowledge in this field. I believe that my motivation and desire to excel will make me an asset for your company. Universal, Corp has an excellent reputation for customer satisfaction.
I will contact you within a week to confirm with the meeting time. If you are having any questions before that you can call me at my no (458-789 4587) or cam e-mail me at (edean@xyz.com). I appreciate your consideration and time.
Sincerely,
Thomas K Eden.
Enclosure Resume.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Jack Richardson,
Director, ABC Corp.
323 South Avon Drive,
Milton, NY 10945,
(914) 555-2909.
Dear Mr. Richardson,
I have just completed my bachelor's degree in family and child development and I am searching for an internship in the same field. While researching opportunities in the field of criminal justice and law, I found your program is very interesting. I am writing here to inquire about the possible opportunities available at your company.
My coursework and work background given me many skills and an understanding to deal with the adolescent community. For a local intervention center I worked as a hotline assistant. I also counseled teenagers about their personal concerns and when necessary referred them.
At my university I have been active as a resident hall assistant, this includes establishing a rapport with sixty residents and advise them on university policies as well as on their personal matters.
I have enclosed my resume with this, which provides additional details about my background. I will give you a call on next Monday to see if it would be possible to meet with you to discuss your program.
Thank you for your time and consideration
Sincerely,
Thomas K Eden.
Enclosure Resume.
_____________________________________________________________________
Jack Richardson,
ABC Entertainment,
323 South Avon Drive,
Milton, NY 10945,
(914) 555-2909.
Dear Mr. Richardson,
I am excited to apply for the scientific research summer internship position that was available and listed through the Name University Career Services Office.
I am having laboratory experience in biology, chemistry, and geology, both indoors and in the field. In the lab, I am currently using microscopes to observe many specimens. I have conducted outdoor labs in environmental field studies, to assess water chemistry.
At National Park I worked as conservation assistant Last summer. I am seeking to complement this outdoor experience with a research internship in order to acquire the background necessary for a future career in scientific research.
I will be an asset to your program. This internship would provide me with the ideal opportunity to assist at your organization and to expand my research skills.
I will call you next Saturday to confirm with the meeting venue and to know weather I am a suitable candidate or not. I am looking forward for the positive reply. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Thomas K Eden.
Enclosure Resume.
_____________________________________________________________________
Your Phone Number
Your Email
Company Name
Address
City, State, Zip Code
Dear Hiring Manager:
This letter is to express my interest in discussing the Senior Customer Service Manager position posted on the XYZ Company web site. The opportunity presented in this listing is very appealing, and I believe that my experience and education will make me a competitive candidate for this position.
The key strengths that I possess for success in this position include, but are not limited to, the following:
Provide exceptional contributions to customer service for all customers.
Strive for continued excellence.
Strong communication skills.
I am a self-starter.
Eager to learn new things.
You will find me to be well-spoken, energetic, confident, and personable, the type of person on whom your customers will rely. I also have a wide breadth of experience of the type that gives you the versatility to place me in a number of contexts with confidence that the level of excellence you expect will be met. Please see my resume for additional information on my experience.
I hope that you'll find my experience and interests intriguing enough to warrant a face-to-face meeting, as I am confident that I could provide value to you and your customers as a member of your team.
I can be reached anytime via my cell phone, 555-555-5555. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.
Sincerely,
FirstName LastName
_________________________________________________________________________
Title
Company
Address
City, State, Zip Code
Date
Dear Mr./Ms. LastName,
I would like to express my interest in an entry-level analyst position with Company. Throughout my job search and conversations with investment advisors I have come to respect the professionalism that characterizes your firm and its employees. I am confident that the Company team’s values and objectives would highly complement my own strengths and enthusiasm. I would like to be considered for your Investment Banking Analyst Program, or a similar position that requires refined analytical and communication skills.
I was impressed to learn of Company’s recent acquisition of Hambrecht Group, a tactic which I see as indicative of Company’s commitment to achieving growth and success in the future. Innovative and exciting approaches such as this, coupled with Company’s highly regarded Analyst Program, convinced me that Company is the ideal environment to begin my business career.
Evidence of my leadership and analytical skills can be seen in my responsibilities as analyst intern at Company, and my commitment to my academics. My educational background in government and business, combined with my internship experiences, has been excellent preparation for a career with Company.
Please review the enclosed resume and references and consider my application for your Investment Banking Analyst program. I would appreciate the opportunity to come to New York to meet with you and explore the company environment, as well as possible job opportunities at Company. I will call your office next week to discuss these possibilities. I look forward to exchanging ideas with you concerning a career at Company and the positive contributions I would offer as a member of your organization.
Thank you for your consideration.
Signature
FirstName LastName
____________________________________________________
Dear Hiring Manager,
I read your job posting for the Store Manager position with interest. I can offer XYZ Company:
- Over five years of retail management experience, including experience opening a new store location
- Ability to effectively hire, train, and manage staff
- Payroll management, scheduling, reports, and inventory
- Extensive work with visual standards and merchandising high-ticket items
In addition to my extensive retail experience, I have excellent communication skills. I always maintain a gracious and professional manner when communicating with people, including customers and store staff. My broad experience and range of skills make me a superior candidate for this position.
My resume, which is below, provides additional information on my background and qualifications. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible to arrange time for an interview.
Thank you for your consideration.
Paul Jones
Email Address
Operations Manager,
XYZ Car Dealership,
MacGregor,
Queensland 4109.
Dear Mr Smith,
I am writing in response to your advertisement seeking a customer
manager to run XYZ Car Dealership's service centre.
As you will see from my enclosed/accompanying résumé, my skills
and experience are a good match for the position you are now
trying to fill.
I look forward to having an opportunity to meet with you to further
discuss how I can contribute to your team.
Yours sincerely,
Bill Brown
Phone
_______________________________________________________________________
Mr John Smith,
Operations Manager,
XYZ Car Dealership,
MacGregor,
Queensland 4109.
Dear Mr Smith,
I am writing in response to your advertisement seeking a customer
services manager to run XYZ Car Dealership's service centre.
As you will see from my enclosed/accompanying résumé, my skills
and experience are a good match for the position you are now
trying to fill.
Of particular relevance is my five years experience working in a
similar role and the award I received for excellence in customer
service.
I'm aware of the high value XYZ Car Dealership places on service
and believe I share the same philosophy on customer care.
I look forward to having an opportunity to meet with you to discuss
how I could contribute to your team.
Yours sincerely,
Bill Brown
________________________________________________________________
Your Name
Address 1
Address 2
Phone
Date
Dear Madam/Sir,
I read with interest your advertisement seeking an advertising sales
professional, as I believe I possess the attributes necessary to make
the role a success.
As you will see from my resume, I have a proven track record in
advertising sales as well as selling to all levels of management in
the tourist/hospitality/travel sector in 14 different countries
including Australia.
Adept at leading a team or working as part of a team, I am also an
enthusiastic self-starter able to work from home. I have initiative
and loads of drive. My personal motto is: "Never give up". Technical
skills include telephone and face-to-face selling, Word, Outlook and
Excel software proficiency and strong communication skills.
I hope to have an opportunity to meet with you to discuss how I
could contribute to your team.
Yours sincerely,
__________________________________________________________________
[Address]
[Suburb, State, Post Code]
[Date]
[Name of Hiring Manager, Title]
[Name of Company]
[Address]
[City, State Post Code]
Dear [Mr. or Ms.][Last Name],
[Write a brief explanation of your experience in the particular field and interest in the role advertised.
Make sure there is a great hook. You want to draw the reader in so that they want to know more about
you. This section should be limited to one paragraph only.]
[Example only]I am writing to express my interest in your advertisement/ current opening for a [……],and
submit my résumé for your review. Having served in sales and operational leadership roles for the past
8 years with continued success in meeting business/operational goals, I can make a valuable
contribution to your organisation’s future projects and initiatives.
[Sell yourself. Point out why you would be best for the role. Use examples/or use as a guide your current
or most recent position. Provide detailed summary of the role’s key responsibilities and accountabilities].
[Example only]What I bring to this position is a combination of team leadership, strategic planning, and
business development skills that I have leveraged to meet and exceed expectations. I have analysed
core operational/business functions and implemented the most appropriate solutions to drive continual
business growth.
I have demonstrated proficiency in all core office administration functions, including document
preparation, internal/external communications. I can manage the office environment without supervision,
juggle multiple tasks effectively, and maintain the confidentiality of highly sensitive materials.. Examples
of results from my experience with my current employer Hunter Pty LTD, include the following:
[Provide details of your key achievements in the role as separate bullet points ie targets/ KPI’s met
and/or exceeded. Do not exceed 3 points as you can go into more detail in your resume. Examples
below are for a sales role].
• Achievement of profit, sales volume, net price, and net revenue objectives as General
Manager;
• Average of over 20% sales growth across 4 years as Territory Sales Manager; and
• Implementation of programs to achieve quality and risk mitigation goals.
[Closing paragraph. In short explain the key aspects of working in sales and why you will make a good
addition to the company. Thank the person hiring and invite then to discuss any additional information
with you at there convenience. This section should be limited to 3 paragraphs]
[Example only]In previous positions, I increased sales performance and motivated teams to meet
employer objectives. Because my success in these areas covers multiple environments, I am confident I
can do the same as a member of your team.
My résumé contains additional details regarding my career achievements. I would welcome an
opportunity for an interview to discuss your organisation’s needs and the results you can expect from me
in addressing these.
I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest opportunity. .
[Address]
[Suburb, State, Post Code]
Sincerely yours,
[Name]
____________________________________________________________________________
cell: 555-555-5555
Date
Name
Job Title
Company
Street
City, State Zip
Dear Ms. LastName,
I am interested in applying for the scientific research summer internship position that was listed through the Name University Career Services Office.
I have had a great deal of laboratory experience in chemistry, biology, and geology, both indoors and in the field. In the lab, I have performed chemical reactions and I am currently using microscopes to observe many specimens. In environmental field studies, I have conducted outdoor labs to assess water chemistry.
Last summer, I worked as conservation assistant at Clumber National Park. I am seeking to complement this outdoor experience with a research internship in order to acquire the background necessary for a future career in scientific research.
I believe that I would an asset to your program. This internship would provide me with the ideal opportunity to assist at your organization and to expand my research skills.
I will call next week to see if you agree that my qualifications seem to be a match for the position. If so, I hope to schedule an interview at a mutually convenient time. I look forward to speaking with you.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Signature
FirstName LastName
___________________________________________________
Ms. Amanda Paulson
Universal Orlando
1000 Universal Studios Plaza
Orlando, Florida 32819-7610
Dear Ms. Paulson,
My unique mix of previous work experience and my status as a Stetson University business student in my junior year studying marketing, make me an ideal candidate for a summer internship with Universal Orlando
My experience in sales and customer relationship management, combined with my courses in marketing, have convinced me that hospitality marketing is a career option I would like to explore.
More importantly, an internship with Universal Orlando would be mutually beneficial. Your company has an excellent reputation for customer satisfaction, and I know that the combination of my experience, education, and motivation to excel will make me an asset to your marketing department.
I am sure that it would be worthwhile for us to meet. I will contact you within a week to arrange a meeting. Should you have any questions before that time, you may reach me via phone (386-555-2922) or via email (christina@stetson.edu).
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Christina Appleton
________________________________________________________________________________
Jack Richardson,
HR Manager,Universal corp.
323 South Avon Drive,
Milton, NY 10945,
(914) 555-2909.
Dear Mr. Richardson,
I am a student from State University and completed my graduation in marketing, also I am having one year of work experience in same field. This makes me an ideal candidate for the internship position with Universal corp.
I would like to explore my career in sales and customer relationship management. My previous work experience and course in this field convinced me to choose my career in hospitality marketing.
The important thing is to have an internship with company like Universal, Corp. to get more knowledge in this field. I believe that my motivation and desire to excel will make me an asset for your company. Universal, Corp has an excellent reputation for customer satisfaction.
I will contact you within a week to confirm with the meeting time. If you are having any questions before that you can call me at my no (458-789 4587) or cam e-mail me at (edean@xyz.com). I appreciate your consideration and time.
Sincerely,
Thomas K Eden.
Enclosure Resume.
____________________________________________________________________________________
Jack Richardson,
Director, ABC Corp.
323 South Avon Drive,
Milton, NY 10945,
(914) 555-2909.
Dear Mr. Richardson,
I have just completed my bachelor's degree in family and child development and I am searching for an internship in the same field. While researching opportunities in the field of criminal justice and law, I found your program is very interesting. I am writing here to inquire about the possible opportunities available at your company.
My coursework and work background given me many skills and an understanding to deal with the adolescent community. For a local intervention center I worked as a hotline assistant. I also counseled teenagers about their personal concerns and when necessary referred them.
At my university I have been active as a resident hall assistant, this includes establishing a rapport with sixty residents and advise them on university policies as well as on their personal matters.
I have enclosed my resume with this, which provides additional details about my background. I will give you a call on next Monday to see if it would be possible to meet with you to discuss your program.
Thank you for your time and consideration
Sincerely,
Thomas K Eden.
Enclosure Resume.
_____________________________________________________________________
Jack Richardson,
ABC Entertainment,
323 South Avon Drive,
Milton, NY 10945,
(914) 555-2909.
Dear Mr. Richardson,
I am excited to apply for the scientific research summer internship position that was available and listed through the Name University Career Services Office.
I am having laboratory experience in biology, chemistry, and geology, both indoors and in the field. In the lab, I am currently using microscopes to observe many specimens. I have conducted outdoor labs in environmental field studies, to assess water chemistry.
At National Park I worked as conservation assistant Last summer. I am seeking to complement this outdoor experience with a research internship in order to acquire the background necessary for a future career in scientific research.
I will be an asset to your program. This internship would provide me with the ideal opportunity to assist at your organization and to expand my research skills.
I will call you next Saturday to confirm with the meeting venue and to know weather I am a suitable candidate or not. I am looking forward for the positive reply. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Thomas K Eden.
Enclosure Resume.
_____________________________________________________________________
Your Phone Number
Your Email
Company Name
Address
City, State, Zip Code
Dear Hiring Manager:
This letter is to express my interest in discussing the Senior Customer Service Manager position posted on the XYZ Company web site. The opportunity presented in this listing is very appealing, and I believe that my experience and education will make me a competitive candidate for this position.
The key strengths that I possess for success in this position include, but are not limited to, the following:
Provide exceptional contributions to customer service for all customers.
Strive for continued excellence.
Strong communication skills.
I am a self-starter.
Eager to learn new things.
You will find me to be well-spoken, energetic, confident, and personable, the type of person on whom your customers will rely. I also have a wide breadth of experience of the type that gives you the versatility to place me in a number of contexts with confidence that the level of excellence you expect will be met. Please see my resume for additional information on my experience.
I hope that you'll find my experience and interests intriguing enough to warrant a face-to-face meeting, as I am confident that I could provide value to you and your customers as a member of your team.
I can be reached anytime via my cell phone, 555-555-5555. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to speaking with you about this employment opportunity.
Sincerely,
FirstName LastName
_________________________________________________________________________
Title
Company
Address
City, State, Zip Code
Date
Dear Mr./Ms. LastName,
I would like to express my interest in an entry-level analyst position with Company. Throughout my job search and conversations with investment advisors I have come to respect the professionalism that characterizes your firm and its employees. I am confident that the Company team’s values and objectives would highly complement my own strengths and enthusiasm. I would like to be considered for your Investment Banking Analyst Program, or a similar position that requires refined analytical and communication skills.
I was impressed to learn of Company’s recent acquisition of Hambrecht Group, a tactic which I see as indicative of Company’s commitment to achieving growth and success in the future. Innovative and exciting approaches such as this, coupled with Company’s highly regarded Analyst Program, convinced me that Company is the ideal environment to begin my business career.
Evidence of my leadership and analytical skills can be seen in my responsibilities as analyst intern at Company, and my commitment to my academics. My educational background in government and business, combined with my internship experiences, has been excellent preparation for a career with Company.
Please review the enclosed resume and references and consider my application for your Investment Banking Analyst program. I would appreciate the opportunity to come to New York to meet with you and explore the company environment, as well as possible job opportunities at Company. I will call your office next week to discuss these possibilities. I look forward to exchanging ideas with you concerning a career at Company and the positive contributions I would offer as a member of your organization.
Thank you for your consideration.
Signature
FirstName LastName
____________________________________________________
Dear Hiring Manager,
I read your job posting for the Store Manager position with interest. I can offer XYZ Company:
- Over five years of retail management experience, including experience opening a new store location
- Ability to effectively hire, train, and manage staff
- Payroll management, scheduling, reports, and inventory
- Extensive work with visual standards and merchandising high-ticket items
In addition to my extensive retail experience, I have excellent communication skills. I always maintain a gracious and professional manner when communicating with people, including customers and store staff. My broad experience and range of skills make me a superior candidate for this position.
My resume, which is below, provides additional information on my background and qualifications. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible to arrange time for an interview.
Thank you for your consideration.
Paul Jones
Email Address
Monday, August 17, 2009
JAMES CASON FAKE JOB OFFER
I HAVE GOT A FAKE JOB OFFER FROM SOMEONE NAMED JAMES CASON AS THE MANAGER OF A COMPANY, SOMETHING RELATED TO MONEY TRANSFER AND STUFF LIKE THAT. I HAD A BIT OF RESEARCH ON THE NET & FOUND ITS TERRIBLE & GROSS. THIS MAN IS OFFERING THE SAME JOB TO ALMOST EVERYBODY. SO PLEASE BE CAREFUL ! I THINK ITS SOMETHING RELATED TO THE MONEY LAUNDERING.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Formal Emails
Email Lesson Plan – Worksheet - © BBC | British Council 2008
Worksheet 1
(Formal letter, to be cut up into strips for stage 5)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr Jones,
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am writing to enquire about your language courses in the summer. I am
a university student studying to become a translator.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would like to know whether your school offers courses specifically for
university level students as I would like to study techniques for essay
writing in English. Could you also tell me how many hours of lessons
there are per week?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With regards to accommodation, do you only provide homestay-style
lodgings or are there any other possible alternatives? I feel I would
prefer to stay in shared accommodation with self-catering facilities.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally, I was wondering if any extra-curricular activities such as
lectures or excursions are offered at your school. If so, are these
included in the price, or at an additional cost?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would be grateful for any information you can give me and I look
forward to hearing from you soon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yours sincerely,
Jaana Nikkinen
Jaana Nikkinen
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Worksheet 1
(Formal letter, to be cut up into strips for stage 5)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Mr Jones,
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am writing to enquire about your language courses in the summer. I am
a university student studying to become a translator.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would like to know whether your school offers courses specifically for
university level students as I would like to study techniques for essay
writing in English. Could you also tell me how many hours of lessons
there are per week?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
With regards to accommodation, do you only provide homestay-style
lodgings or are there any other possible alternatives? I feel I would
prefer to stay in shared accommodation with self-catering facilities.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally, I was wondering if any extra-curricular activities such as
lectures or excursions are offered at your school. If so, are these
included in the price, or at an additional cost?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I would be grateful for any information you can give me and I look
forward to hearing from you soon.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yours sincerely,
Jaana Nikkinen
Jaana Nikkinen
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Informal Emails
Example e-mails
1)
Hi Scott,
Thanks for the e-mail. It is always nice to hear from people, especially
from you, Scott.
I have not got any reply, a positive or negative one, from Seibido yet.
Let's wait and hope that it will make a BOOK.
Have you finished your paperwork for Kaken and writing academic articles?
If you have some free time in the near future, I want to meet you and
explain to you our next project.
Why not drink out in Hiroshima if we are accepted?
We need to celebrate ourselves, don't we?
Let's have a small end-of-the-year party!
Sincerely,
K. Nakagawa
________________________________________
2)
Dear Dennis,
Hope you are well.
I'm writing to you, yet again, in your capacity as "Answer Man."
One of our David English House teachers has just e-mailed me to see if I
have any more information on "university listening tests" which are to be
administered soon.
I have no information about any such tests. Do you? If so, could you
please let me know.
Thank you kindly.
Best regards,
Donna
________________________________________
3)
Hi there, Doreen
Long time no see. Hope all's well in your world!
I haven't been to JALT all year, shame on me, but I needed the break.
I still see the guys and I'm going to the national, so don't write me off
yet!
I was trying to remember who you've published with in the past, and I
wondered if you had any contacts at Nan'Un-Do. I want to send a
proposal to them but have no names, and the personal touch is always
best!
I might go to see Jane Willis, family commitments permitting, any plans in
that direction? Going to Shizuoka I presume?
Bye for now
All the best
S
________________________________________
4)
Dear Ray,
How are you?
I think I haven't told you yet. After workin for Kobe Kaisei Girls' Junior
High School, I got a job here at Kure National College of Technology.
Anyway, coming home to Hiroshima, I resumed my research. I know what I
have to do first: To publish the dissertation of mine ... When I was in Kobe,
it was too difficult.
These days I finally finished writing a summary in English, which is
required for publication. Prof. YAMADA gave me some comments. But I
wonder if it is free of any unnaturalness. Could you have a look at the
attached file (it is the summary in question) and give me comments?
I'm not in such a hurry.
Best wishes
________________________________________
5)
Hi Everyone!
Thought I'd send out a picture of my little monsters. They had a great
Halloween yesterday. Doreen and Dennis came over to hand out candy so
Ray and I were both able to go out with the kids. They made quite the
haul, the dentist is going to love us!
Doreen and Dennis left this morning for Wisconsin. They hope to get to
Idaho today. Judy, you should be seeing them sometime next week. I
hope they have good weather. They'll be back here in time for
Thanksgiving.
I hope you all have a great weekend!
Love, Sue.
________________________________________
6)
Hi George,
Thanks for your reply. You are always so quick!
I sent an-mail to Mr. Imai of Seibido yesterday, and I just got a phone call
from him. They want us to send the whole thing and also a "Project
Plan." It seems that they have some form to fill in to describe the project
in Japanese, so I will write something which will appeal to the publsiher.
That's all for now. Let's hope it will come out!
K. Tanaka
________________________________________
7)
Dear Prof. Lauer,
I hope you are doing fine. I am now in Saitama, but will go back to
Hiroshima to attend the conference. We would like to visit you to say
thank you for your cooperation. During this week, WED, THU, and FRI,
please let me know when you will be in your office. We would like to visit
you shortly.
Sincerely,
Toshiko
________________________________________
8)
Hi Professor Lauer,
I was asked by Mr. Nagai, the leader of our tennis club to let you know
that we have made plans for a tennis camp, which is to be held on Nov.
23-24 at Taishakukyou.
We hope you will join the camp. If it's impossible, how about coming on
either of the two days? I guess we can enjoy seeing autumn leaves as
well as playing tennis.
All the best.
C. Iwasaki
________________________________________
9)
Hi Dennis,
After the exciting Saturday, I guess you've been doing as good as that
Saturday. The weather is good, food is good, and studying is good in this
season. I like this season the best.
Oh, well, this introduction may remind you of students' writing, so I
should stop it now. To make a long story short (or the introduction
short?), I am sending you this message to say thank you. I said so for
the Saturday already. Today's "thank you" is to the vocabulary test,
which was delivered to me today. On the letter from Professor Tanaka,
your name was also written, so I assume that you and Prof. Tanaka
worked together to develop this test. To tell you the truth, I like it, and I
do want to use it for my research and classes. He said that an online
delivery is being planned. I wonder if anyone can use the test. If so, this
is really great.
Sending you a thank-you message, I would like to ask you a favor. The
attached is a thank-you letter to Prof. Tanaka. Would it be too much to
ask you to print it out and hand it to him? If so, would you send me back
a "Do it yourself" message. I'll send it by regular mail. Or would you let
me know his mail address. (I hope he is a regular mail user. In our school,
there are still quite a few senior professors who don't use e-mail at all.
Yes, AT ALL! Can you believe that?)
OK, Dennis, sorry for interrupting you with my favor. Hope to see you
soon again.
Best wishes,
MAEDA Chiaki
Hamada City University
________________________________________
10)
Dear Sachiko,
Hope you are well and that the second semester is going smoothly for
you.
The other day when we were talking at the bus stop you mentioned a
web page on which Linda Holkenson detailed her reasons for leaving.
If you don't mind, would you send me the URL for that web page if you
still have it?
Thanks a lot.
Best regards,
Tim Brown
________________________________________
11)
Dear Professor Teaman,
How are you?
Nakai sensei has forwarded your email to me, I would like to have a real
play with you on Wednesday.
By the way, I attached a cover letter that I prepared for applying a
position of fish pathologist in Australia. I would appreciate it very much
if you would check and return it to me on Monday because the deadline
for application is Oct. 28.
Thank you in advance and best regards,
Wu
________________________________________
12)
Dear Mr. Broadbent,
First, I have to apologize for not writing to you on time. I was out in
Okayama playing in a tennis tournament from Oct. 5 to Oct.12. I'm very
sorry.
Now,let me introduce myself. I'm Hiroki Iwai. I'm 18 years old and a
freshman. I'm in the Faculaty of Education and I major in math. I want to
be a high school teacher and teach math and tennis to the students in
the future. I usually play tennis after school as a member of Hiroshima
University Tennis Club. I've played it for over 4 years and I think I'm a
pretty good player. If you like to play tennis, I'd like to play with you.
I live in an apartment in Saijo by myself. My parents live in Tokushima,
where I was born and brought up. My sister is a high school
student. And now she studies at a high school in Ohio as an exchange
student. I also want to study abroad in my near future. I am busy every
day as I have to study, practice tennis, and do all the housework.
However, I enjoy my life in Hiroshima, and would like to try to do
many things. Of course, I'd like to learn a lot from you.
Sincerely yours,
Hiroki Iwai
________________________________________
13)
Hi Naomi,
Thanks for getting back to me. As I suggested, I would rather have
transportation reimbursed than honorarium. I will donate the
honorarium to the chapter. A rough guess round trip Okayama -
Hiroshima is 10,000 yen. I will e-mail Steve, but it won't be until late
Friday afternoon at the earliest and Saturday morning at the
latest.
In the future, I hope the travel reimbursement (or not) policy of the
chapter will become clearer for invited speakers even in the
prefecture.
Looking forward to Saturday,
Ian
________________________________________
14)
Hi Simon,
I'm now preparing a few materials for the meeting this weekend. Basically,
I'll just introduce the Sadako's School program with some general
information and some photos, then we can share the
highlights of our own experiences. After that, we can field a few
questions. How does that sound?
Yes, I agree it can be a challenge to meet the needs of a class with
different levels. Good luck with this!
My students have all sent letters to their foster children (including photos
and small gifts), so hopefully we'll get some responses from Cebu by the
end of the month!
See you Saturday,
Adam
________________________________________
15)
Dear Professor Lauer
Having had some trouble calling you, I did drop in last Monday, but I have
since seen Abdellah who told me he'd seen you and you don't go in on
Monday's.
How about you nominate a time for me to call you, or nominate a time for
me to come and see you or, you can call me if it's easier because I am
mostly here in my wee apartment.
Please let me know. If you want to call the number is 21-5815.
Otherwise, I'm happy to fit in with you.
Kind regards,
Aisha
________________________________________
16)
Dear Ray,
Thanks for your e-mail.
I am leaving for Cambodia on Dec. 12 and return to Hiroshim on Jan. 12.
This means that I will have to miss only one class on Dec. 16.
Unfortunately, my friend won't be able to teach that class since he is not
sure if he can make it on time.
I am still interested in teaching the course if you can find any other
teacher to replace me on Dec. 16.
Bye now,
Bill
________________________________________
17)
Joe,
My name is John Fanselow. I was the Director of the TESOL Program at
Teachers College, Columbia University in Tokyo and New York prior to my
retirement. I was also president, second vice president and program chair
of TESOL and president of NYSTESOL.
During the years, I have done many workshops for JALT and other
affiliates. Breaking Rules, Contrasting Conversations, both from Longman
and Try the Opposite by SIMUL are the books some know me by.
I am now president of a 500 student college in New Zealand which has
many Japanese students. Part of my role as president is to meet parents
of students in Japan. On my trips to Japan, I usually do workshops.
Some of these my college--International Pacific College--has arranged.
Sometimes, teachers at schools arrange the workshops and sometimes
JALT chapters have arranged them.
I was wondering whether you would have any interest in co-sponsoring a
workshop for the Hiroshima chapter. Monday 11 November in the
evening--4-6? or 5-7? that I will be in Hiroshima and will be free. (Free
both in the sense of available and free in the sense that I am volunteering
my services.)
________________________________________
18)
Kevin:
I've been meaning to write to everyone. But my life has just turned
upside down the past few months. So, I'm glad you wrote. And thank you
for the complement. You've always been very kind and supportive. I like
you as well, and wish you all the luck at Hirodai and where ever else
you and your family may go. And, thank you for your best wishes.
Yes, I've "escaped" Hirodai, but not under the circumstance I would have
wished. In fact, I'm rather sad and disappointed that Koto-Sensei has
not made clear my reasons for resigning. Both of my parents have been
quite ill. I asked for an additional six months leave to stay and take
care of my parents. Koto sent me this amazing letter saying that while
he thinks it was good for society that a law was passed making it
possible for people to take compassion leave, no one should actually
apply for the leave. Well, any way, he made it very clear to me what was
expected of me after I returned, and why I should return. After thinking
about it for some time, I realized that if I did return then I'd still
have to fly back to the USA often to take care of my parents; thus, I
couldn't fulfill my responsibilities to Hirodai. It would also be an
awful burden financially. I saw little options but to resign.
Resigning has been a disaster for my career. I am currently unemployed.
You are free to talk about this with others, but I will circulate a letter of
my own soon. Right now, things are rather crazy. We're moving once
again, something like the fourth time this year, and I've got a conference
to prepare for.
Take care and say hi to Sachiko and George for us!
Jerry
________________________________________
19)
Dear Mike,
I was trying to reach you by phone, but in vain. If it is still not too late, I
would like to teach the English Voluntary Course you had told me about.
Please tell more about it!
Sincerely yours,
Pete
________________________________________
20)
Hi Lissa,
Thanks for note! I love the boundary waters--did we do it together in boy
scouts? It's the only time I've been. My daughter Fay would love to
canoe there--she's now a freshman at NAU in environmental science and
goes backpacking whenever she can. She always thought she'd go to UA
in Tucson which is like UW -Madison in Wisconsin, but it turned out that
the better program in env. sci. was here and the music program she
wanted. It's great having her this close. Have you thought about college
options for George yet?
I'm glad you enjoyed the TJ book. We took a family trip to Washington,
D.C. this summer and saw the sights and had a family reunion t here too.
Great fun.
I'd love to see a photo of you all, and especially George! Got one online
you can send me? Come visit us and see Grand Canyon etc. next summer,
if you can!
Love,
George
________________________________________
21)
Elizabeth,
As kind and inviting as your suggestion is, I regret that I have to
decline at this time. Right now, both my wife and I have got a couple of
extra things going on at work, and outside of normal work.
I do think it would be a very nice thing to get together, but it's almost
impossible for us during the week because even without the extra things
we are doing now, our regular weekday evenings and Saturdays are busy
with a myriad of activities - English classes, homework, karate, ballet,
juku, hula, cheerleading practices, and so on.
Would a Sunday be convenient for you? I was thinking maybe you'd
like to see the base at Iwakuni. You'd only need to take the train to
Iwakuni Station, and I would pick you up and give you the grand tour of
the base, as well as Iwakuni (if you are interested). If a Sunday is not
convenient, then how about a Japanese holiday - like this coming
Monday? (Monday is a normal work day for the base, although there is no
school on base that day because of a teacher's workshop.)
Please let me know what you think.
Brandon
________________________________________
22)
Hi Everyone,
In order to celebrate my new life in Hiroshima city,
I would like to invite you to a special house warming party.
When: Friday, 27 September, 2002 at 8 pm
Where: 9-12-203 Hikarimachi 2-Chome
I would like to request that everyone bring something for 4 to 6 people
to eat or drink.
Please RSVP as soon as you can so that I can estimate how many people
will be here and what everyone will bring.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Timothy Favre
________________________________________
23)
Hi!
How's everything going? Things aren't going so well here. They just
let me know that they are cutting all the full time foreign staff here, so I
will need a job next year. I was wondering if you know anyone that's hiring.
If you do, please let me know.
Also I'm thinking of doing a presentation at Hirodai about how to
database Hot Potatoes score results, and generally discuss cgi and html
applications. Are you interested? I'm going to get in touch with Noda-
san and see what I should do. I'm thinking late August, or early
September.
Keep cool!
Judy Bengston
________________________________________
24)
Hi Howard and Amy...
It was great meeting you this week! You both are VERY NICE.
The chocolate is in our refrigerator now. We look forward to eating it
often throughout this fall!
I hope things go well for you in the coming months, Amy and Howard! I'll
send e-mail again soon.
Love, Reiko.
________________________________________
25)
Hi Johanna! Thanks for the very nice e-mail. I just printed it out for
Hiroko to read later today.
Wow, it sounds like Alicia and Monica had terrible times in the hospital.
But I'm very happy to hear that they are better! And they seem to be
very smart-- getting scholarships! No doubt they have good parents.
In August Bob and I went canoeing for 5 days in the Boundary Waters
of northern Minnesota. That was interesting. But there were mosquitoes
and rain.
Take care, Johanna. When you come to Hiroshima, we'll go out to a
restaurant together!
Love, Michihiro.
________________________________________
26)
Hi Carol,
I hope things are going well with you these days.
Did I hear a rumor that you would be willing to talk at the Hiroshima
JALT meeting at Peace Park on Saturday, October 19?
It would be the same topic as what you're going to do at the national
conference.
If so, I'll put you, Ian Suzuki, and Adam Timmerman on the schedule.
Maybe one or two other people, also. I'll contact you later this month
regarding timing details.
Everyone would be interested in hearing you talk at Hiroshima JALT in
October! I hope you answer "yes."
Sincerely, Jessica.
________________________________________
27)
Dear Keita,
It was so nice to hear from you. I'm glad school is going well in
Hiroshima. I'm sure you enjoy the motor club; you are so good with cars.
Do you have your own car now or are you using public transportation?
When you have an okonomiyaki (not sure of spelling) in Hiroshima, think
of us. They are soooo delicious.
Jon and I are fine, and Yuki, too. Jon continues to work hard but he also
enjoys lots of good grilling -- salmon, ribs, chicken. They all taste so
good when he grills them. I have enjoyed working with the Bandos so
much, but my last day of tutoring with them was yesterday. The
company pays for one year of tutoring and that has already passed. I will
still stay in contact with them.
They are such a nice family. Midori Bando had a great visit in Japan last
week with your mother. Can you send me your family's current e-mail
address. I definitely want to stay in touch with them, too. Well, you have
had your English lesson for today by reading this longer e-mail. Take
care and continue to stay in touch. Jon still has his bengoshi e-mail
address, but I can use this one at home more easily.
Rebecca Williams
P.S. Jon says "hi," too.
________________________________________
28)
Julie,
I was glad to hear from you and happy to know that you are confident in
your university life. We had a good harvest this summer and fall. Rabbits
are still jumping around but their appetite is under control with fencing.
We enjoyed tomatoes, okura, cucumbers, and shiso-no-ha, but not
carrots this year.
Temperature dropped below a freezing point about a week ago, and many
autumn flowers, especially cosmos, are now gone. Enjoy studying
engineering materials.
MIYAZAWA, Hiro
________________________________________
29)
Takafumi,
So nice to hear from you by mail and now by e-mail. Your classes do
sound challenging, but I have confidence that you can pass Ist Level STEP.
With such diligent effort, you will also do very well at Hiroshima University.
Jon and I wish you the very best.
Do you see your family often? How are they adjusting to life back in
Japan?
Recently, I took some of the Japanese ladies to pick strawberries and
then taught them how to make jam; I wish your mom could have been
with us. She would have enjoyed the activity and your family would have
liked the jam, I think.
Jon and I worked on his "salsa garden" yesterday. He has a nice crop of
tomatoes and chile peppers planted again this year.
Does your family have an e-mail address?
Take care. Study hard. You will always be a welcome visitor in our home.
Don Berg
1)
Hi Scott,
Thanks for the e-mail. It is always nice to hear from people, especially
from you, Scott.
I have not got any reply, a positive or negative one, from Seibido yet.
Let's wait and hope that it will make a BOOK.
Have you finished your paperwork for Kaken and writing academic articles?
If you have some free time in the near future, I want to meet you and
explain to you our next project.
Why not drink out in Hiroshima if we are accepted?
We need to celebrate ourselves, don't we?
Let's have a small end-of-the-year party!
Sincerely,
K. Nakagawa
________________________________________
2)
Dear Dennis,
Hope you are well.
I'm writing to you, yet again, in your capacity as "Answer Man."
One of our David English House teachers has just e-mailed me to see if I
have any more information on "university listening tests" which are to be
administered soon.
I have no information about any such tests. Do you? If so, could you
please let me know.
Thank you kindly.
Best regards,
Donna
________________________________________
3)
Hi there, Doreen
Long time no see. Hope all's well in your world!
I haven't been to JALT all year, shame on me, but I needed the break.
I still see the guys and I'm going to the national, so don't write me off
yet!
I was trying to remember who you've published with in the past, and I
wondered if you had any contacts at Nan'Un-Do. I want to send a
proposal to them but have no names, and the personal touch is always
best!
I might go to see Jane Willis, family commitments permitting, any plans in
that direction? Going to Shizuoka I presume?
Bye for now
All the best
S
________________________________________
4)
Dear Ray,
How are you?
I think I haven't told you yet. After workin for Kobe Kaisei Girls' Junior
High School, I got a job here at Kure National College of Technology.
Anyway, coming home to Hiroshima, I resumed my research. I know what I
have to do first: To publish the dissertation of mine ... When I was in Kobe,
it was too difficult.
These days I finally finished writing a summary in English, which is
required for publication. Prof. YAMADA gave me some comments. But I
wonder if it is free of any unnaturalness. Could you have a look at the
attached file (it is the summary in question) and give me comments?
I'm not in such a hurry.
Best wishes
________________________________________
5)
Hi Everyone!
Thought I'd send out a picture of my little monsters. They had a great
Halloween yesterday. Doreen and Dennis came over to hand out candy so
Ray and I were both able to go out with the kids. They made quite the
haul, the dentist is going to love us!
Doreen and Dennis left this morning for Wisconsin. They hope to get to
Idaho today. Judy, you should be seeing them sometime next week. I
hope they have good weather. They'll be back here in time for
Thanksgiving.
I hope you all have a great weekend!
Love, Sue.
________________________________________
6)
Hi George,
Thanks for your reply. You are always so quick!
I sent an-mail to Mr. Imai of Seibido yesterday, and I just got a phone call
from him. They want us to send the whole thing and also a "Project
Plan." It seems that they have some form to fill in to describe the project
in Japanese, so I will write something which will appeal to the publsiher.
That's all for now. Let's hope it will come out!
K. Tanaka
________________________________________
7)
Dear Prof. Lauer,
I hope you are doing fine. I am now in Saitama, but will go back to
Hiroshima to attend the conference. We would like to visit you to say
thank you for your cooperation. During this week, WED, THU, and FRI,
please let me know when you will be in your office. We would like to visit
you shortly.
Sincerely,
Toshiko
________________________________________
8)
Hi Professor Lauer,
I was asked by Mr. Nagai, the leader of our tennis club to let you know
that we have made plans for a tennis camp, which is to be held on Nov.
23-24 at Taishakukyou.
We hope you will join the camp. If it's impossible, how about coming on
either of the two days? I guess we can enjoy seeing autumn leaves as
well as playing tennis.
All the best.
C. Iwasaki
________________________________________
9)
Hi Dennis,
After the exciting Saturday, I guess you've been doing as good as that
Saturday. The weather is good, food is good, and studying is good in this
season. I like this season the best.
Oh, well, this introduction may remind you of students' writing, so I
should stop it now. To make a long story short (or the introduction
short?), I am sending you this message to say thank you. I said so for
the Saturday already. Today's "thank you" is to the vocabulary test,
which was delivered to me today. On the letter from Professor Tanaka,
your name was also written, so I assume that you and Prof. Tanaka
worked together to develop this test. To tell you the truth, I like it, and I
do want to use it for my research and classes. He said that an online
delivery is being planned. I wonder if anyone can use the test. If so, this
is really great.
Sending you a thank-you message, I would like to ask you a favor. The
attached is a thank-you letter to Prof. Tanaka. Would it be too much to
ask you to print it out and hand it to him? If so, would you send me back
a "Do it yourself" message. I'll send it by regular mail. Or would you let
me know his mail address. (I hope he is a regular mail user. In our school,
there are still quite a few senior professors who don't use e-mail at all.
Yes, AT ALL! Can you believe that?)
OK, Dennis, sorry for interrupting you with my favor. Hope to see you
soon again.
Best wishes,
MAEDA Chiaki
Hamada City University
________________________________________
10)
Dear Sachiko,
Hope you are well and that the second semester is going smoothly for
you.
The other day when we were talking at the bus stop you mentioned a
web page on which Linda Holkenson detailed her reasons for leaving.
If you don't mind, would you send me the URL for that web page if you
still have it?
Thanks a lot.
Best regards,
Tim Brown
________________________________________
11)
Dear Professor Teaman,
How are you?
Nakai sensei has forwarded your email to me, I would like to have a real
play with you on Wednesday.
By the way, I attached a cover letter that I prepared for applying a
position of fish pathologist in Australia. I would appreciate it very much
if you would check and return it to me on Monday because the deadline
for application is Oct. 28.
Thank you in advance and best regards,
Wu
________________________________________
12)
Dear Mr. Broadbent,
First, I have to apologize for not writing to you on time. I was out in
Okayama playing in a tennis tournament from Oct. 5 to Oct.12. I'm very
sorry.
Now,let me introduce myself. I'm Hiroki Iwai. I'm 18 years old and a
freshman. I'm in the Faculaty of Education and I major in math. I want to
be a high school teacher and teach math and tennis to the students in
the future. I usually play tennis after school as a member of Hiroshima
University Tennis Club. I've played it for over 4 years and I think I'm a
pretty good player. If you like to play tennis, I'd like to play with you.
I live in an apartment in Saijo by myself. My parents live in Tokushima,
where I was born and brought up. My sister is a high school
student. And now she studies at a high school in Ohio as an exchange
student. I also want to study abroad in my near future. I am busy every
day as I have to study, practice tennis, and do all the housework.
However, I enjoy my life in Hiroshima, and would like to try to do
many things. Of course, I'd like to learn a lot from you.
Sincerely yours,
Hiroki Iwai
________________________________________
13)
Hi Naomi,
Thanks for getting back to me. As I suggested, I would rather have
transportation reimbursed than honorarium. I will donate the
honorarium to the chapter. A rough guess round trip Okayama -
Hiroshima is 10,000 yen. I will e-mail Steve, but it won't be until late
Friday afternoon at the earliest and Saturday morning at the
latest.
In the future, I hope the travel reimbursement (or not) policy of the
chapter will become clearer for invited speakers even in the
prefecture.
Looking forward to Saturday,
Ian
________________________________________
14)
Hi Simon,
I'm now preparing a few materials for the meeting this weekend. Basically,
I'll just introduce the Sadako's School program with some general
information and some photos, then we can share the
highlights of our own experiences. After that, we can field a few
questions. How does that sound?
Yes, I agree it can be a challenge to meet the needs of a class with
different levels. Good luck with this!
My students have all sent letters to their foster children (including photos
and small gifts), so hopefully we'll get some responses from Cebu by the
end of the month!
See you Saturday,
Adam
________________________________________
15)
Dear Professor Lauer
Having had some trouble calling you, I did drop in last Monday, but I have
since seen Abdellah who told me he'd seen you and you don't go in on
Monday's.
How about you nominate a time for me to call you, or nominate a time for
me to come and see you or, you can call me if it's easier because I am
mostly here in my wee apartment.
Please let me know. If you want to call the number is 21-5815.
Otherwise, I'm happy to fit in with you.
Kind regards,
Aisha
________________________________________
16)
Dear Ray,
Thanks for your e-mail.
I am leaving for Cambodia on Dec. 12 and return to Hiroshim on Jan. 12.
This means that I will have to miss only one class on Dec. 16.
Unfortunately, my friend won't be able to teach that class since he is not
sure if he can make it on time.
I am still interested in teaching the course if you can find any other
teacher to replace me on Dec. 16.
Bye now,
Bill
________________________________________
17)
Joe,
My name is John Fanselow. I was the Director of the TESOL Program at
Teachers College, Columbia University in Tokyo and New York prior to my
retirement. I was also president, second vice president and program chair
of TESOL and president of NYSTESOL.
During the years, I have done many workshops for JALT and other
affiliates. Breaking Rules, Contrasting Conversations, both from Longman
and Try the Opposite by SIMUL are the books some know me by.
I am now president of a 500 student college in New Zealand which has
many Japanese students. Part of my role as president is to meet parents
of students in Japan. On my trips to Japan, I usually do workshops.
Some of these my college--International Pacific College--has arranged.
Sometimes, teachers at schools arrange the workshops and sometimes
JALT chapters have arranged them.
I was wondering whether you would have any interest in co-sponsoring a
workshop for the Hiroshima chapter. Monday 11 November in the
evening--4-6? or 5-7? that I will be in Hiroshima and will be free. (Free
both in the sense of available and free in the sense that I am volunteering
my services.)
________________________________________
18)
Kevin:
I've been meaning to write to everyone. But my life has just turned
upside down the past few months. So, I'm glad you wrote. And thank you
for the complement. You've always been very kind and supportive. I like
you as well, and wish you all the luck at Hirodai and where ever else
you and your family may go. And, thank you for your best wishes.
Yes, I've "escaped" Hirodai, but not under the circumstance I would have
wished. In fact, I'm rather sad and disappointed that Koto-Sensei has
not made clear my reasons for resigning. Both of my parents have been
quite ill. I asked for an additional six months leave to stay and take
care of my parents. Koto sent me this amazing letter saying that while
he thinks it was good for society that a law was passed making it
possible for people to take compassion leave, no one should actually
apply for the leave. Well, any way, he made it very clear to me what was
expected of me after I returned, and why I should return. After thinking
about it for some time, I realized that if I did return then I'd still
have to fly back to the USA often to take care of my parents; thus, I
couldn't fulfill my responsibilities to Hirodai. It would also be an
awful burden financially. I saw little options but to resign.
Resigning has been a disaster for my career. I am currently unemployed.
You are free to talk about this with others, but I will circulate a letter of
my own soon. Right now, things are rather crazy. We're moving once
again, something like the fourth time this year, and I've got a conference
to prepare for.
Take care and say hi to Sachiko and George for us!
Jerry
________________________________________
19)
Dear Mike,
I was trying to reach you by phone, but in vain. If it is still not too late, I
would like to teach the English Voluntary Course you had told me about.
Please tell more about it!
Sincerely yours,
Pete
________________________________________
20)
Hi Lissa,
Thanks for note! I love the boundary waters--did we do it together in boy
scouts? It's the only time I've been. My daughter Fay would love to
canoe there--she's now a freshman at NAU in environmental science and
goes backpacking whenever she can. She always thought she'd go to UA
in Tucson which is like UW -Madison in Wisconsin, but it turned out that
the better program in env. sci. was here and the music program she
wanted. It's great having her this close. Have you thought about college
options for George yet?
I'm glad you enjoyed the TJ book. We took a family trip to Washington,
D.C. this summer and saw the sights and had a family reunion t here too.
Great fun.
I'd love to see a photo of you all, and especially George! Got one online
you can send me? Come visit us and see Grand Canyon etc. next summer,
if you can!
Love,
George
________________________________________
21)
Elizabeth,
As kind and inviting as your suggestion is, I regret that I have to
decline at this time. Right now, both my wife and I have got a couple of
extra things going on at work, and outside of normal work.
I do think it would be a very nice thing to get together, but it's almost
impossible for us during the week because even without the extra things
we are doing now, our regular weekday evenings and Saturdays are busy
with a myriad of activities - English classes, homework, karate, ballet,
juku, hula, cheerleading practices, and so on.
Would a Sunday be convenient for you? I was thinking maybe you'd
like to see the base at Iwakuni. You'd only need to take the train to
Iwakuni Station, and I would pick you up and give you the grand tour of
the base, as well as Iwakuni (if you are interested). If a Sunday is not
convenient, then how about a Japanese holiday - like this coming
Monday? (Monday is a normal work day for the base, although there is no
school on base that day because of a teacher's workshop.)
Please let me know what you think.
Brandon
________________________________________
22)
Hi Everyone,
In order to celebrate my new life in Hiroshima city,
I would like to invite you to a special house warming party.
When: Friday, 27 September, 2002 at 8 pm
Where: 9-12-203 Hikarimachi 2-Chome
I would like to request that everyone bring something for 4 to 6 people
to eat or drink.
Please RSVP as soon as you can so that I can estimate how many people
will be here and what everyone will bring.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Timothy Favre
________________________________________
23)
Hi!
How's everything going? Things aren't going so well here. They just
let me know that they are cutting all the full time foreign staff here, so I
will need a job next year. I was wondering if you know anyone that's hiring.
If you do, please let me know.
Also I'm thinking of doing a presentation at Hirodai about how to
database Hot Potatoes score results, and generally discuss cgi and html
applications. Are you interested? I'm going to get in touch with Noda-
san and see what I should do. I'm thinking late August, or early
September.
Keep cool!
Judy Bengston
________________________________________
24)
Hi Howard and Amy...
It was great meeting you this week! You both are VERY NICE.
The chocolate is in our refrigerator now. We look forward to eating it
often throughout this fall!
I hope things go well for you in the coming months, Amy and Howard! I'll
send e-mail again soon.
Love, Reiko.
________________________________________
25)
Hi Johanna! Thanks for the very nice e-mail. I just printed it out for
Hiroko to read later today.
Wow, it sounds like Alicia and Monica had terrible times in the hospital.
But I'm very happy to hear that they are better! And they seem to be
very smart-- getting scholarships! No doubt they have good parents.
In August Bob and I went canoeing for 5 days in the Boundary Waters
of northern Minnesota. That was interesting. But there were mosquitoes
and rain.
Take care, Johanna. When you come to Hiroshima, we'll go out to a
restaurant together!
Love, Michihiro.
________________________________________
26)
Hi Carol,
I hope things are going well with you these days.
Did I hear a rumor that you would be willing to talk at the Hiroshima
JALT meeting at Peace Park on Saturday, October 19?
It would be the same topic as what you're going to do at the national
conference.
If so, I'll put you, Ian Suzuki, and Adam Timmerman on the schedule.
Maybe one or two other people, also. I'll contact you later this month
regarding timing details.
Everyone would be interested in hearing you talk at Hiroshima JALT in
October! I hope you answer "yes."
Sincerely, Jessica.
________________________________________
27)
Dear Keita,
It was so nice to hear from you. I'm glad school is going well in
Hiroshima. I'm sure you enjoy the motor club; you are so good with cars.
Do you have your own car now or are you using public transportation?
When you have an okonomiyaki (not sure of spelling) in Hiroshima, think
of us. They are soooo delicious.
Jon and I are fine, and Yuki, too. Jon continues to work hard but he also
enjoys lots of good grilling -- salmon, ribs, chicken. They all taste so
good when he grills them. I have enjoyed working with the Bandos so
much, but my last day of tutoring with them was yesterday. The
company pays for one year of tutoring and that has already passed. I will
still stay in contact with them.
They are such a nice family. Midori Bando had a great visit in Japan last
week with your mother. Can you send me your family's current e-mail
address. I definitely want to stay in touch with them, too. Well, you have
had your English lesson for today by reading this longer e-mail. Take
care and continue to stay in touch. Jon still has his bengoshi e-mail
address, but I can use this one at home more easily.
Rebecca Williams
P.S. Jon says "hi," too.
________________________________________
28)
Julie,
I was glad to hear from you and happy to know that you are confident in
your university life. We had a good harvest this summer and fall. Rabbits
are still jumping around but their appetite is under control with fencing.
We enjoyed tomatoes, okura, cucumbers, and shiso-no-ha, but not
carrots this year.
Temperature dropped below a freezing point about a week ago, and many
autumn flowers, especially cosmos, are now gone. Enjoy studying
engineering materials.
MIYAZAWA, Hiro
________________________________________
29)
Takafumi,
So nice to hear from you by mail and now by e-mail. Your classes do
sound challenging, but I have confidence that you can pass Ist Level STEP.
With such diligent effort, you will also do very well at Hiroshima University.
Jon and I wish you the very best.
Do you see your family often? How are they adjusting to life back in
Japan?
Recently, I took some of the Japanese ladies to pick strawberries and
then taught them how to make jam; I wish your mom could have been
with us. She would have enjoyed the activity and your family would have
liked the jam, I think.
Jon and I worked on his "salsa garden" yesterday. He has a nice crop of
tomatoes and chile peppers planted again this year.
Does your family have an e-mail address?
Take care. Study hard. You will always be a welcome visitor in our home.
Don Berg
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Aussiee Slangs
A
Ace! : Excellent! Very good!
Aerial pingpong : Australian Rules football
Amber fluid : beer
Ambo : ambulance, ambulance driver
Ankle biter : small child
Apples, she'll be : It'll be all right
Arvo : afternoon
Aussie (pron. Ozzie) : Australian
Aussie salute : brushing away flies with the hand
Avos : avocados
B
B & S : Bachelors' and Spinsters' Ball - a very enjoyable party usually held in rural areas
Back of Bourke : a very long way away
Bail (somebody) up : to corner somebody physically
Bail out : depart, usually angrily
Banana bender : a person from Queensland
Barbie : barbecue (noun)
Barrack : to cheer on (football team etc.)
Bastard : term of endearment
Bathers : swimming costume
Battler : someone working hard and only just making a living
Beaut, beauty : great, fantastic
Big Smoke : a big city, especially Sydney or Melbourne
Big-note oneself : brag, boast
Bikkie : biscuit (also "it cost big bikkies" - it was expensive)
Billabong : an ox-bow river or watering hole
Billy : teapot. Container for boiling water.
Bingle : motor vehicle accident
Bities : biting insects
Bitzer : mongrel dog (bits of this and bits of that)
Bizzo : business ("mind your own bizzo")
Black Stump, beyond the : a long way away, the back of nowhere
Bloke : man, guy
Bloody : very (bloody hard yakka)
Bloody oath! : that's certainly true
Blow in the bag : have a breathalyser test
Blowie : blow fly
Bludger : lazy person, layabout, somebody who always relies on other people to do things or lend him things
Blue : fight ("he was having a blue with his wife")
Blue, make a : make a mistake
Bluey : pack, equipment, traffic ticket, redhead
Bluey : blue cattle dog (named after its subtle markings) which is an excellent working dog. Everyone's favourite all-Aussie dog.
Bluey : heavy wool or felt jacket worn by mining and construction workers.
Bluey : bluebottle jellyfish
Bodgy : of inferior quality
Bog in : commence eating, to attack food with enthusiasm
Bog standard : basic, unadorned, without accessories (a bog standard car, telephone etc.)
Bogan : person who takes little pride in his appearance, spends his days slacking and drinking beer
Bogged : Stuck in mud, deep sand (a vehicle).
Bondi cigar : see "brown-eyed mullet"
Bonzer : great, ripper
Boogie board : a hybrid, half-sized surf board
Boomer : a large male kangaroo
Booze bus : police vehicle used for catching drunk drivers
Boozer : a pub
Bored shitless : very bored
Bottle shop : liquor shop
Bottle-o : liquor shop (originally a man with hessian bags going around picking up beer bottles in the 50's and 60's)
Bottler : something excellent
Bottling, his blood's worth : he's an excellent, helpful bloke.
Bounce : a bully
Bourke Street, he doesn't know Christmas from : he's a bit slow in the head. (Bourke Street is a brightly lit Melbourne street)
Bowl of rice, not my : not my cup of tea; I don't like it
Brass razoo, he hasn't got a : he's very poor
Brekkie : breakfast
Brick shit house, built like a : big strong bloke
Brickie : bricklayer
Brisvegas : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland
Brizzie : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland
Brown-eyed mullet : a turd in the sea (where you're swimming!)
Brumby : a wild horse
Buck's night : stag party, male gathering the night before the wedding
Buckley's, Buckley's chance : no chance ("New Zealand stands Buckley's of beating Australia at football")
Budgie smugglers : men's bathing costume
Bull bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also roo bar)
Bundy : short for Bundaberg, Queensland, and the brand of rum that's made there
Bunyip : mythical outback creature
Bush : the hinterland, the Outback, anywhere that isn't in town
Bush bash : long competitive running or motorcar race through the bush
Bush oyster : nasal mucus
Bush telly : campfire
Bushie : someone who lives in the Bush
Bushman's hanky : Emitting nasal mucus by placing one index finger on the outside of the nose (thus blocking one nostril) and blowing.
Bushranger : highwayman, outlaw
Butcher : small glass of beer in South Australia - From the theory that a butcher could take a quick break from his job, have a drink and be back at work
BYO : unlicensed restaurant where you have to Bring Your Own grog, also similar party or barbecue
C
Cab Sav : Cabernet Sauvignon (a variety of wine grape)
Cactus : dead, not functioning ("this bloody washing machine is cactus")
Cane toad : a person from Queensland
Captain Cook : look (noun) ("let's have a Captain Cook")
Cark it : to die, cease functioning
Cat burying shit, as busy as a : busy
Cat's piss, as mean as : mean, stingy, uncharitable
Chewie : chewing gum
Chokkie : chocolate
Chook : a chicken
Chrissie : Christmas
Christmas : see Bourke Street
Chuck a sickie : take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy
Chunder : vomit
Clacker : anus (from Latin cloaca = sewer). Also the single orifice of monotremes (platypus and echidna) used both for reproduction and for the elimination of body wastes.
Clayton's : fake, substitute
Cleanskin : Bottle of wine without a label. Usually bought in bulk by companies who then add their own personalised label and use the wine as e.g. gifts to clients
Cleanskin : cattle that have not been branded, earmarked or castrated.
Click : kilometre - "it's 10 clicks away"
Clucky : feeling broody or maternal
Coathanger : Sydney Harbour bridge
Cobber : friend
Cockie : farmer (Farmers were called cockies in the early days of European settlement because, like the birds of the same name, they made their homes on the edges of permanent waterholes)
Cockie : cockatoo
Cockie : cockroach
Cockroach : a person from New South Wales
Coldie : a beer
Come a gutser : make a bad mistake, have an accident
Compo : Workers' Compensation pay
Conch (adj. conchy) : a conscientious person. Somebody who would rather work or study than go out and enjoy him/herself.
Cooee, not within : figuratively a long way away, far off - England weren't within cooee of beating Australia at cricket
Cooee, within : nearby - I was within cooee of landing a big fish when the line broke. He lives within cooee of Sydney.
Cook (noun) : One's wife
Corker : something excellent. A good stroke in cricket might be described as a 'corker of a shot'
Corroboree : an aboriginal dance festival
Counter lunch/Countery : pub lunch
Cozzie : swimming costume
Crack a fat : get an erection
Crack onto (someone) : to hit on someone, pursue someone romantically
Cranky : in a bad mood, angry
Cream (verb) : defeat by a large margin
Crook : sick, or badly made
Crow eater : a person from South Australia
Cubby house : Small, usually timber, house in the garden used as a children's plaything.
Cut lunch : sandwiches
Cut lunch commando : army reservist
Cut snake, mad as a : very angry
D
Dag : a funny person, nerd, goof
Daks : trousers
Damper : bread made from flour and water
Date : arse[hole] ("get off your fat date")
Dead dingo's donger, as dry as a : dry
Dead horse : Tomato sauce
Deadset : true, the truth
Dero : tramp, hobo, homeless person (from "derelict")
Dickhead : see "whacker"
Digger : a soldier
Dill : an idiot
Dingo's breakfast : a yawn, a leak and a good look round (i.e. no breakfast)
Dinkum, fair dinkum : true, real, genuine ("I'm a dinkum Aussie"; "is he fair dinkum?")
Dinky-di : the real thing, genuine
Dipstick : a loser, idiot
Divvy van : Police vehicle used for transporting criminals. Named after the protective 'division' between the driver and the villains.
Dob (somebody) in : inform on somebody. Hence dobber, a tell-tale
Docket : a bill, receipt
Doco : documentary
Dog : unattractive woman
Dog's balls, stands out like : obvious
Dog's eye : meat pie
Dole bludger : somebody on social assistance when unjustified
Donger : penis
Doodle : penis
Down Under : Australia and New Zealand
Drink with the flies : to drink alone
Drongo : a dope, stupid person
Dropkick : see 'dipstick'
Drum : information, tip-off ("I'll give you the drum")
Duchess : sideboard
Duffer, cattle : rustler
Dummy, spit the : get very upset at something
Dunny : outside lavatory
Dunny budgie : blowfly
Dunny rat, cunning as a : very cunning
Durry : tobacco, cigarette
Dux : top of the class (n.); to be top of the class (v.) - "She duxed four of her subjects".
E
Earbashing : nagging, non-stop chatter
Ekka : the Brisbane Exhibition, an annual show
Esky : large insulated food/drink container for picnics, barbecues etc.
Exy : expensive
F
Face, off one's : drunk ("He was off his face by 9pm")
Fair dinkum : true, genuine
Fair go : a chance ("give a bloke a fair go")
Fair suck of the sav! : exclamation of wonder, awe, disbelief (see also "sav")
Fairy floss : candy floss, cotton candy
Feral : V8 ute (q.v.) sporting large heavy bullbar, numerous aerials, large truck mudflaps and stickers almost all over the rear window and tailgate. Sometimes seen with a Mack emblem on the bonnet and always with large (multiple) driving lights
Feral (n.) : a hippie
Figjam : "F*ck I'm good; just ask me". Nickname for people who have a high opinion of themselves.
Fisho : fishmonger
Flake : shark's flesh (sold in fish & chips shops)
Flat out like a lizard drinking : flat out, busy
Flick : to give something or somebody the flick is to get rid of it or him/her
Flick it on : to sell something, usually for a quick profit, soon after buying it.
Fly wire : gauze flyscreen covering a window or doorway.
Footy : Australian Rules football
Fossick : search, rummage ("fossicking through the kitchen drawers")
Fossick : to prospect, e.g. for gold
Fossicker : prospector, e.g. for gold
Franger : condom
Freckle : anus
Fremantle Doctor : the cooling afternoon breeze that arrives in Perth from the direction of Freeo
Freo : Fremantle in Western Australia
Frog in a sock, as cross as a : sounding angry - a person or your hard drive!
Fruit loop : fool
Full : drunk
Furphy : false or unreliable rumour
G
G'Day : hello!
Gabba : Wooloongabba - the Brisbane cricket ground
GAFA (pron. gaffa) : the big nothingness of the Australian Outback. Great Australian F**k All.
Galah : fool, silly person. Named after the bird of the same name because of its antics and the noise it makes.
Garbo, garbologist : municipal garbage collector
Give it a burl : try it, have a go
Gobful, give a : to abuse, usually justifiably ("The neighbours were having a noisy party so I went and gave them a gobful")
Gobsmacked : surprised, astounded
Going off : used of a night spot or party that is a lot of fun - "the place was really going off"
Good oil : useful information, a good idea, the truth
Good onya : good for you, well done
Goog, as full as a : drunk. "Goog" is a variation of the northern English slangword "goggie" meaning an egg.
Greenie : environmentalist
Grinning like a shot fox : very happy, smugly satisfied
Grog : liquor, beer ("bring your own grog, you bludger")
Grouse (adj.) : great, terrific, very good
Grundies : undies, underwear (from Reg Grundy, a television person)
Gutful of piss : drunk, "he's got a gutful of piss"
Gyno : gynaecologist
H
Handle : beer glass with a handle
Harold Holt, to do the : To bolt. (Also "to do the Harold")
Heaps : a lot, e.g. "thanks heaps", "(s)he earned heaps of money" etc.
Holy dooley! : an exclamation of surprise = "Good heavens!", "My goodness!" "Good grief!" or similar
Hoon : hooligan
Hooroo : goodbye
Hotel : often just a pub
Hottie : hot water bottle
I
Icy pole, ice block : popsicle, lollypop
J
Jackaroo : a male trainee station manager or station hand (a station is a big farm/grazing property)
Jillaroo : a female trainee station manager or station hand
Joey : baby kangaroo
Journo : journalist
Jug : electric kettle
Jumbuck : sheep
K
Kangaroos loose in the top paddock : Intellectually inadequate ("he's got kangaroos loose in the top paddock")
Kelpie : Australian sheepdog originally bred from Scottish collie
Kero : kerosene
Kindie : kindergarten
Knock : to criticise
Knock back : refusal (noun), refuse (transitive verb)
Knocker : somebody who criticises
L
Lair : a flashily dressed young man of brash and vulgar behaviour, to dress up in flashy clothes, to renovate or dress up something in bad taste
Lair it up : to behave in a brash and vulgar manner
Larrikin : a bloke who is always enjoying himself, harmless prankster
Lend of, to have a : to take advantage of somebody's gullibility, to have someone on ("he's having a lend of you")
Lippy : lipstick
Liquid laugh : vomit
Lizard drinking, flat out like a : flat out, busy
Lob, lob in : drop in to see someone ("the rellies have lobbed")
Lollies : sweets, candy
London to a brick : absolute certainty ("it's London to a brick that taxes won't go down")
Long paddock : the side of the road where livestock is grazed during droughts
Longneck : 750ml bottle of beer in South Australia
Lucky Country, The : Australia, where else?
Lunch, who opened their? : OK, who farted?
Lurk : illegal or underhanded racket
M
Maccas (pron. "mackers") : McDonald's (the hamburger place)
Mallee bull, as fit as a : very fit and strong. The Mallee is very arid beef country in Victoria/South Australia.
Manchester : Household linen, eg sheets etc.
Mappa Tassie : map of Tasmania - a woman's pubic area
Mate : buddy, friend
Mate's rate, mate's discount : cheaper than usual for a "friend"
Matilda : swagman's bedding, sleeping roll
Metho : methylated spirits
Mexican : a person from south of the Queensland or New South Wales border
Mickey Mouse : excellent, very good. Beware though - in some parts of Australia it means inconsequential, frivolous or not very good!
Middy : 285 ml beer glass in New South Wales
Milk bar : corner shop that sells takeaway food
Milko : milkman
Mob : group of people, not necessarily troublesome
Mob : family or herd (?) of kangaroos
Mongrel : despicable person
Moolah : money
Mozzie : mosquito
Muddy : mud crab (a great delicacy)
Mug : friendly insult ("have a go, yer mug"), gullible person
Mull : grass (the kind you smoke)
Muster : round up sheep or cattle
Mystery bag : a sausage
N
Nasho : National Service (compulsory military service)
Naughty, have a : have sex
Never Never : the Outback, centre of Australia
Nipper : young surf lifesaver
No drama : same as 'no worries'
No worries! : Expression of forgiveness or reassurance (No problem; forget about it; I can do it; Yes, I'll do it)
No-hoper : somebody who'll never do well
Not the full quid : not bright intellectually
Nuddy, in the : naked
Nun's nasty, as dry as a : dry
Nut out : hammer out or work out (an agreement, say)
O
O.S. : overseas ("he's gone O.S.")
Ocker : an unsophisticated person
Offsider : an assistant, helper
Old fella : penis
Oldies : parents - "I'll have to ask my oldies"
Op shop : opportunity shop, thrift store, place where second hand goods are sold.
Outback : interior of Australia
Oz : Australia!
P
Paddock : see 'long paddock'
Pash : a long passionate kiss; hence "pashing on"
Pav : Pavlova - a rich, creamy Australian dessert
Perve (noun & verb) : looking lustfully at the opposite sex
Piece of piss : easy task
Pig's arse! : I don't agree with you
Piker : Someone who doesn't want to fit in with others socially, leaves parties early
Pink slip, get the : get the sack (from the colour of the termination form)
Pint : large glass of beer (esp. in South Australia)
Piss : beer. Hence "hit the piss", "sink some piss"
Plate, bring a : Instruction on party or BBQ invitation to bring your own food. It doesn't mean they're short of crockery!
Plonk : cheap wine
Pokies : poker machines, fruit machines, gambling slot machines
Polly : politician
Pom, pommy, pommie : an Englishman • See the complaint about "Pom" etc.
Pommy bastard : an Englishman (see also 'bastard')
Pommy shower : using deodorant instead of taking a shower
Pommy's towel, as dry as a : very dry - based on the canard that Poms bathe about once a month
Porky : Lie, untruth (pork pie = lie)
Port : suitcase (portmanteau)
Postie : postman, mailman
Pot : 285 ml beer glass in Queensland and Victoria
Pozzy : position - get a good pozzy at the football stadium
Prezzy : present, gift
Q
Quid, make a : earn a living - "are you making a quid?"
Quid, not the full : of low IQ. [Historical note: 'quid' is slang for a pound. £1 became $2 when Australia converted to decimal currency]
R
Rack off : push off! get lost! get out of here! also "rack off hairy legs!".
Rage : party
Rage on : to continue partying - "we raged on until 3am"
Rapt : pleased, delighted
Ratbag : mild insult
Raw prawn, to come the : to bullshit, to be generally disagreeable
Reckon! : you bet! Absolutely!
Reffo : refugee
Rego : vehicle registration
Rellie or relo : family relative
Ridgy-didge : original, genuine
Right, she : it'll be all right
Right, that'd be : Accepting bad news as inevitable. ("I went fishing but caught nothing." "Yeah, that'd be right.")
Rip snorter : great, fantastic - "it was a rip snorter of a party"
Ripper : great, fantastic - "it was a ripper party"
Ripper, you little! : Exclamation of delight or as a reaction to good news
Road train : big truck with many trailers
Roadie : a beer you buy to take away with you
Rock up : to turn up, to arrive - "we rocked up at their house at 8pm"
Rollie : a cigarette that you roll yourself
Roo : kangaroo
Roo bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also bull bar)
Root (verb and noun) : synonym for f*ck in nearly all its senses: "I feel rooted"; "this washing machine is rooted"; "(s)he's a good root". A very useful word in fairly polite company.
Root rat : somebody who is constantly looking for sex.
Ropeable : very angry
Rort (verb or noun) : Cheating, fiddling, defrauding (expenses, the system etc.). Usually used of politicians
Rotten : drunk - "I went out last night and got rotten"
Rubbish (verb) : to criticize
S
Salute, Aussie : brushing flies away
Salvos, the : Salvation Army, bless them
Sandgroper : a person from Western Australia
Sanger : a sandwich
Sav : saveloy (see also "fair suck of the sav!")
Schooner : large beer glass in Queensland; medium beer glass in South Australia
Scratchy : instant lottery ticket
Screamer : party lover; "two pot screamer" - somebody who gets drunk on very little alcohol
Seppo : an American
Servo : petrol station
Shag on a rock, stands out like a : very obvious
Shark biscuit : somebody new to surfing
She'll be right : it'll turn out okay
Sheepshagger : A New Zealander
Sheila : a woman
Shit house (adj.) : of poor quality, unenjoyable ("this car is shit house", "the movie was shit house")
Shit house (noun) : toilet, lavatory
Shonky : dubious, underhanded. E.g. a shonky practice, shonky business etc.
Shoot through : to leave
Shout : turn to buy - a round of drinks usually ("it's your shout")
Show pony : someone who tries hard, by his dress or behaviour, to impress those around him.
Sickie : day off sick from work (chuck a sickie = take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy!)
Skite : boast, brag
Skull/Skol (a beer) : to drink a beer in a single draught without taking a breath
Slab : a carton of 24 bottles or cans of beer
Sleepout : house verandah converted to a bedroom
Smoko : smoke or coffee break
Snag : a sausage
Sook : person or animal who is soft, tame, inoffensive. Hence sooky (adj.)
Spag bol : spaghetti bolognese
Spewin' : very angry
Spiffy, pretty spiffy : great, excellent
Spit the dummy : get very upset at something
Spruiker : man who stands outside a nightclub or restaurant trying to persuade people to enter
Sprung : caught doing something wrong
Spunk : a good looking person (of either sex)
Squizz (noun) : look - "take a squizz at this"
Standover man : a large man, usually gang-related, who threatens people with physical violence in order to have his wishes carried out.
Station : a big farm/grazing property
Stickybeak : nosy person
Stoked : very pleased
Stonkered : beaten, defeated, cornered, perplexed
Strewth : exclamation, mild oath ("Strewth, that Chris is a bonzer bloke")
Strides : trousers
Strine : Australian slang and pronunciation
Stubby : a 375ml. beer bottle
Stubby holder : polystyrene insulated holder for a stubby
Stuffed, I feel : I'm tired
Stuffed, I'll be : expression of surprise
Sunbake : sunbathe
Sunnies : sunglasses
Surfies : people who go surfing - usually more often than they go to work!
Swag : rolled up bedding etc. carried by a swagman
Swaggie : swagman
Swagman : tramp, hobo
T
Tall poppies : successful people
Tall poppy syndrome : the tendency to criticize successful people
Tallie : 750ml bottle of beer
Taswegian : derogatory term for a person from Tasmania
Tea : supper
Technicolor yawn : vomit
Tee-up : to set up (an appointment)
Thingo : Wadjamacallit, thingummy, whatsit
Thongs : cheap rubber backless sandals
Throw-down : small bottle of beer which you can throw down quickly.
Tickets, to have on oneself : to have a high opinion of oneself
Tinny : can of beer
Tinny : small aluminium boat
Tinny, tin-arsed : lucky
Togs : swim suit
Too right! : definitely!
Top End : far north of Australia
Trackie daks/dacks : tracksuit pants
Trackies : track suit
Troppo, gone : to have escaped to a state of tropical madness; to have lost the veneer of civilisation after spending too long in the tropics.
Trough lolly : the solid piece of perfumed disinfectant in a men's urinal
Truckie : truck driver
True blue : patriotic
Tucker : food
Tucker-bag : food bag
Turps : turpentine, alcoholic drink
Turps, hit the : go on a drinking binge
Two up : gambling game played by spinning two coins simultaneously
U
Ugg boots : Australian sheepskin boots worn by surfers since at least the 1960s to keep warm while out of the water. Also worn by airmen during WW1 and WW2 because of the need to maintain warmth in non-pressurized planes at high altitudes.
Ugh : ugly. hence Ugg boots
Uni : university
Unit : flat, apartment
Up oneself : have a high opinion of oneself - "he's really up himself"
Up somebody, get : to rebuke somebody - "the boss got up me for being late"
Useful as an ashtray on a motorbike / tits on a bull : unhelpful or incompetent person or thing - "he, she or it is about as useful as tits on a bull" etc. etc.
Ute : utility vehicle, pickup truck
V
Vedgies : vegetables
Vee dub : Volkswagen
Veg out : relax in front of the TV (like a vegetable)
Vejjo : vegetarian
Vinnie's : St. Vincent De Paul's (charity thrift stores and hostels)
W
WACA (pron. whacker) : Western Australian Cricket Association and the Perth cricket ground
Waggin' school : playing truant
Walkabout : a walk in the Outback by Aborigines that lasts for an indefinite amount of time
Walkabout, it's gone : it's lost, can't be found
Weekend warrior : army reservist
Whacker, whacka : Idiot; somebody who talks drivel; somebody with whom you have little patience; a dickhead
Whinge : complain
White pointers : topless (female) sunbathers
Whiteant (verb) : to criticise something to deter somebody from buying it. A car dealer might whiteant another dealer's cars or a real estate salesman might whiteant another agent's property
Wobbly : excitable behaviour ("I complained about the food and the waiter threw a wobbly")
Wobbly boot on, he's got the : drunk
Wog : flu or trivial illness
Wog : person of Mediterranean origin. A milder insult than the same word in the UK and perhaps elsewhere.
Wombat : somebody who eats, roots and leaves (see also root)
Woop Woop : invented name for any small unimportant town - "he lives in Woop Woop"
Wowser : straight-laced person, prude, puritan, spoilsport
Wuss : coward; nervous person or animal
X
XXXX : pronounced Four X, brand of beer made in Queensland
Y
Yabber : talk (a lot)
Yabby : inland freshwater crayfish found in Australia (Cherax destructor)
Yakka : work (noun)
Yewy : u-turn in traffic ("chuck a yewy at the next traffic lights")
Yobbo : an uncouth person
Z
Zack : sixpence (5 cents) - "it isn't worth a zack", "he hasn't got a zack"
Ace! : Excellent! Very good!
Aerial pingpong : Australian Rules football
Amber fluid : beer
Ambo : ambulance, ambulance driver
Ankle biter : small child
Apples, she'll be : It'll be all right
Arvo : afternoon
Aussie (pron. Ozzie) : Australian
Aussie salute : brushing away flies with the hand
Avos : avocados
B
B & S : Bachelors' and Spinsters' Ball - a very enjoyable party usually held in rural areas
Back of Bourke : a very long way away
Bail (somebody) up : to corner somebody physically
Bail out : depart, usually angrily
Banana bender : a person from Queensland
Barbie : barbecue (noun)
Barrack : to cheer on (football team etc.)
Bastard : term of endearment
Bathers : swimming costume
Battler : someone working hard and only just making a living
Beaut, beauty : great, fantastic
Big Smoke : a big city, especially Sydney or Melbourne
Big-note oneself : brag, boast
Bikkie : biscuit (also "it cost big bikkies" - it was expensive)
Billabong : an ox-bow river or watering hole
Billy : teapot. Container for boiling water.
Bingle : motor vehicle accident
Bities : biting insects
Bitzer : mongrel dog (bits of this and bits of that)
Bizzo : business ("mind your own bizzo")
Black Stump, beyond the : a long way away, the back of nowhere
Bloke : man, guy
Bloody : very (bloody hard yakka)
Bloody oath! : that's certainly true
Blow in the bag : have a breathalyser test
Blowie : blow fly
Bludger : lazy person, layabout, somebody who always relies on other people to do things or lend him things
Blue : fight ("he was having a blue with his wife")
Blue, make a : make a mistake
Bluey : pack, equipment, traffic ticket, redhead
Bluey : blue cattle dog (named after its subtle markings) which is an excellent working dog. Everyone's favourite all-Aussie dog.
Bluey : heavy wool or felt jacket worn by mining and construction workers.
Bluey : bluebottle jellyfish
Bodgy : of inferior quality
Bog in : commence eating, to attack food with enthusiasm
Bog standard : basic, unadorned, without accessories (a bog standard car, telephone etc.)
Bogan : person who takes little pride in his appearance, spends his days slacking and drinking beer
Bogged : Stuck in mud, deep sand (a vehicle).
Bondi cigar : see "brown-eyed mullet"
Bonzer : great, ripper
Boogie board : a hybrid, half-sized surf board
Boomer : a large male kangaroo
Booze bus : police vehicle used for catching drunk drivers
Boozer : a pub
Bored shitless : very bored
Bottle shop : liquor shop
Bottle-o : liquor shop (originally a man with hessian bags going around picking up beer bottles in the 50's and 60's)
Bottler : something excellent
Bottling, his blood's worth : he's an excellent, helpful bloke.
Bounce : a bully
Bourke Street, he doesn't know Christmas from : he's a bit slow in the head. (Bourke Street is a brightly lit Melbourne street)
Bowl of rice, not my : not my cup of tea; I don't like it
Brass razoo, he hasn't got a : he's very poor
Brekkie : breakfast
Brick shit house, built like a : big strong bloke
Brickie : bricklayer
Brisvegas : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland
Brizzie : Brisbane, state capital of Queensland
Brown-eyed mullet : a turd in the sea (where you're swimming!)
Brumby : a wild horse
Buck's night : stag party, male gathering the night before the wedding
Buckley's, Buckley's chance : no chance ("New Zealand stands Buckley's of beating Australia at football")
Budgie smugglers : men's bathing costume
Bull bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also roo bar)
Bundy : short for Bundaberg, Queensland, and the brand of rum that's made there
Bunyip : mythical outback creature
Bush : the hinterland, the Outback, anywhere that isn't in town
Bush bash : long competitive running or motorcar race through the bush
Bush oyster : nasal mucus
Bush telly : campfire
Bushie : someone who lives in the Bush
Bushman's hanky : Emitting nasal mucus by placing one index finger on the outside of the nose (thus blocking one nostril) and blowing.
Bushranger : highwayman, outlaw
Butcher : small glass of beer in South Australia - From the theory that a butcher could take a quick break from his job, have a drink and be back at work
BYO : unlicensed restaurant where you have to Bring Your Own grog, also similar party or barbecue
C
Cab Sav : Cabernet Sauvignon (a variety of wine grape)
Cactus : dead, not functioning ("this bloody washing machine is cactus")
Cane toad : a person from Queensland
Captain Cook : look (noun) ("let's have a Captain Cook")
Cark it : to die, cease functioning
Cat burying shit, as busy as a : busy
Cat's piss, as mean as : mean, stingy, uncharitable
Chewie : chewing gum
Chokkie : chocolate
Chook : a chicken
Chrissie : Christmas
Christmas : see Bourke Street
Chuck a sickie : take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy
Chunder : vomit
Clacker : anus (from Latin cloaca = sewer). Also the single orifice of monotremes (platypus and echidna) used both for reproduction and for the elimination of body wastes.
Clayton's : fake, substitute
Cleanskin : Bottle of wine without a label. Usually bought in bulk by companies who then add their own personalised label and use the wine as e.g. gifts to clients
Cleanskin : cattle that have not been branded, earmarked or castrated.
Click : kilometre - "it's 10 clicks away"
Clucky : feeling broody or maternal
Coathanger : Sydney Harbour bridge
Cobber : friend
Cockie : farmer (Farmers were called cockies in the early days of European settlement because, like the birds of the same name, they made their homes on the edges of permanent waterholes)
Cockie : cockatoo
Cockie : cockroach
Cockroach : a person from New South Wales
Coldie : a beer
Come a gutser : make a bad mistake, have an accident
Compo : Workers' Compensation pay
Conch (adj. conchy) : a conscientious person. Somebody who would rather work or study than go out and enjoy him/herself.
Cooee, not within : figuratively a long way away, far off - England weren't within cooee of beating Australia at cricket
Cooee, within : nearby - I was within cooee of landing a big fish when the line broke. He lives within cooee of Sydney.
Cook (noun) : One's wife
Corker : something excellent. A good stroke in cricket might be described as a 'corker of a shot'
Corroboree : an aboriginal dance festival
Counter lunch/Countery : pub lunch
Cozzie : swimming costume
Crack a fat : get an erection
Crack onto (someone) : to hit on someone, pursue someone romantically
Cranky : in a bad mood, angry
Cream (verb) : defeat by a large margin
Crook : sick, or badly made
Crow eater : a person from South Australia
Cubby house : Small, usually timber, house in the garden used as a children's plaything.
Cut lunch : sandwiches
Cut lunch commando : army reservist
Cut snake, mad as a : very angry
D
Dag : a funny person, nerd, goof
Daks : trousers
Damper : bread made from flour and water
Date : arse[hole] ("get off your fat date")
Dead dingo's donger, as dry as a : dry
Dead horse : Tomato sauce
Deadset : true, the truth
Dero : tramp, hobo, homeless person (from "derelict")
Dickhead : see "whacker"
Digger : a soldier
Dill : an idiot
Dingo's breakfast : a yawn, a leak and a good look round (i.e. no breakfast)
Dinkum, fair dinkum : true, real, genuine ("I'm a dinkum Aussie"; "is he fair dinkum?")
Dinky-di : the real thing, genuine
Dipstick : a loser, idiot
Divvy van : Police vehicle used for transporting criminals. Named after the protective 'division' between the driver and the villains.
Dob (somebody) in : inform on somebody. Hence dobber, a tell-tale
Docket : a bill, receipt
Doco : documentary
Dog : unattractive woman
Dog's balls, stands out like : obvious
Dog's eye : meat pie
Dole bludger : somebody on social assistance when unjustified
Donger : penis
Doodle : penis
Down Under : Australia and New Zealand
Drink with the flies : to drink alone
Drongo : a dope, stupid person
Dropkick : see 'dipstick'
Drum : information, tip-off ("I'll give you the drum")
Duchess : sideboard
Duffer, cattle : rustler
Dummy, spit the : get very upset at something
Dunny : outside lavatory
Dunny budgie : blowfly
Dunny rat, cunning as a : very cunning
Durry : tobacco, cigarette
Dux : top of the class (n.); to be top of the class (v.) - "She duxed four of her subjects".
E
Earbashing : nagging, non-stop chatter
Ekka : the Brisbane Exhibition, an annual show
Esky : large insulated food/drink container for picnics, barbecues etc.
Exy : expensive
F
Face, off one's : drunk ("He was off his face by 9pm")
Fair dinkum : true, genuine
Fair go : a chance ("give a bloke a fair go")
Fair suck of the sav! : exclamation of wonder, awe, disbelief (see also "sav")
Fairy floss : candy floss, cotton candy
Feral : V8 ute (q.v.) sporting large heavy bullbar, numerous aerials, large truck mudflaps and stickers almost all over the rear window and tailgate. Sometimes seen with a Mack emblem on the bonnet and always with large (multiple) driving lights
Feral (n.) : a hippie
Figjam : "F*ck I'm good; just ask me". Nickname for people who have a high opinion of themselves.
Fisho : fishmonger
Flake : shark's flesh (sold in fish & chips shops)
Flat out like a lizard drinking : flat out, busy
Flick : to give something or somebody the flick is to get rid of it or him/her
Flick it on : to sell something, usually for a quick profit, soon after buying it.
Fly wire : gauze flyscreen covering a window or doorway.
Footy : Australian Rules football
Fossick : search, rummage ("fossicking through the kitchen drawers")
Fossick : to prospect, e.g. for gold
Fossicker : prospector, e.g. for gold
Franger : condom
Freckle : anus
Fremantle Doctor : the cooling afternoon breeze that arrives in Perth from the direction of Freeo
Freo : Fremantle in Western Australia
Frog in a sock, as cross as a : sounding angry - a person or your hard drive!
Fruit loop : fool
Full : drunk
Furphy : false or unreliable rumour
G
G'Day : hello!
Gabba : Wooloongabba - the Brisbane cricket ground
GAFA (pron. gaffa) : the big nothingness of the Australian Outback. Great Australian F**k All.
Galah : fool, silly person. Named after the bird of the same name because of its antics and the noise it makes.
Garbo, garbologist : municipal garbage collector
Give it a burl : try it, have a go
Gobful, give a : to abuse, usually justifiably ("The neighbours were having a noisy party so I went and gave them a gobful")
Gobsmacked : surprised, astounded
Going off : used of a night spot or party that is a lot of fun - "the place was really going off"
Good oil : useful information, a good idea, the truth
Good onya : good for you, well done
Goog, as full as a : drunk. "Goog" is a variation of the northern English slangword "goggie" meaning an egg.
Greenie : environmentalist
Grinning like a shot fox : very happy, smugly satisfied
Grog : liquor, beer ("bring your own grog, you bludger")
Grouse (adj.) : great, terrific, very good
Grundies : undies, underwear (from Reg Grundy, a television person)
Gutful of piss : drunk, "he's got a gutful of piss"
Gyno : gynaecologist
H
Handle : beer glass with a handle
Harold Holt, to do the : To bolt. (Also "to do the Harold")
Heaps : a lot, e.g. "thanks heaps", "(s)he earned heaps of money" etc.
Holy dooley! : an exclamation of surprise = "Good heavens!", "My goodness!" "Good grief!" or similar
Hoon : hooligan
Hooroo : goodbye
Hotel : often just a pub
Hottie : hot water bottle
I
Icy pole, ice block : popsicle, lollypop
J
Jackaroo : a male trainee station manager or station hand (a station is a big farm/grazing property)
Jillaroo : a female trainee station manager or station hand
Joey : baby kangaroo
Journo : journalist
Jug : electric kettle
Jumbuck : sheep
K
Kangaroos loose in the top paddock : Intellectually inadequate ("he's got kangaroos loose in the top paddock")
Kelpie : Australian sheepdog originally bred from Scottish collie
Kero : kerosene
Kindie : kindergarten
Knock : to criticise
Knock back : refusal (noun), refuse (transitive verb)
Knocker : somebody who criticises
L
Lair : a flashily dressed young man of brash and vulgar behaviour, to dress up in flashy clothes, to renovate or dress up something in bad taste
Lair it up : to behave in a brash and vulgar manner
Larrikin : a bloke who is always enjoying himself, harmless prankster
Lend of, to have a : to take advantage of somebody's gullibility, to have someone on ("he's having a lend of you")
Lippy : lipstick
Liquid laugh : vomit
Lizard drinking, flat out like a : flat out, busy
Lob, lob in : drop in to see someone ("the rellies have lobbed")
Lollies : sweets, candy
London to a brick : absolute certainty ("it's London to a brick that taxes won't go down")
Long paddock : the side of the road where livestock is grazed during droughts
Longneck : 750ml bottle of beer in South Australia
Lucky Country, The : Australia, where else?
Lunch, who opened their? : OK, who farted?
Lurk : illegal or underhanded racket
M
Maccas (pron. "mackers") : McDonald's (the hamburger place)
Mallee bull, as fit as a : very fit and strong. The Mallee is very arid beef country in Victoria/South Australia.
Manchester : Household linen, eg sheets etc.
Mappa Tassie : map of Tasmania - a woman's pubic area
Mate : buddy, friend
Mate's rate, mate's discount : cheaper than usual for a "friend"
Matilda : swagman's bedding, sleeping roll
Metho : methylated spirits
Mexican : a person from south of the Queensland or New South Wales border
Mickey Mouse : excellent, very good. Beware though - in some parts of Australia it means inconsequential, frivolous or not very good!
Middy : 285 ml beer glass in New South Wales
Milk bar : corner shop that sells takeaway food
Milko : milkman
Mob : group of people, not necessarily troublesome
Mob : family or herd (?) of kangaroos
Mongrel : despicable person
Moolah : money
Mozzie : mosquito
Muddy : mud crab (a great delicacy)
Mug : friendly insult ("have a go, yer mug"), gullible person
Mull : grass (the kind you smoke)
Muster : round up sheep or cattle
Mystery bag : a sausage
N
Nasho : National Service (compulsory military service)
Naughty, have a : have sex
Never Never : the Outback, centre of Australia
Nipper : young surf lifesaver
No drama : same as 'no worries'
No worries! : Expression of forgiveness or reassurance (No problem; forget about it; I can do it; Yes, I'll do it)
No-hoper : somebody who'll never do well
Not the full quid : not bright intellectually
Nuddy, in the : naked
Nun's nasty, as dry as a : dry
Nut out : hammer out or work out (an agreement, say)
O
O.S. : overseas ("he's gone O.S.")
Ocker : an unsophisticated person
Offsider : an assistant, helper
Old fella : penis
Oldies : parents - "I'll have to ask my oldies"
Op shop : opportunity shop, thrift store, place where second hand goods are sold.
Outback : interior of Australia
Oz : Australia!
P
Paddock : see 'long paddock'
Pash : a long passionate kiss; hence "pashing on"
Pav : Pavlova - a rich, creamy Australian dessert
Perve (noun & verb) : looking lustfully at the opposite sex
Piece of piss : easy task
Pig's arse! : I don't agree with you
Piker : Someone who doesn't want to fit in with others socially, leaves parties early
Pink slip, get the : get the sack (from the colour of the termination form)
Pint : large glass of beer (esp. in South Australia)
Piss : beer. Hence "hit the piss", "sink some piss"
Plate, bring a : Instruction on party or BBQ invitation to bring your own food. It doesn't mean they're short of crockery!
Plonk : cheap wine
Pokies : poker machines, fruit machines, gambling slot machines
Polly : politician
Pom, pommy, pommie : an Englishman • See the complaint about "Pom" etc.
Pommy bastard : an Englishman (see also 'bastard')
Pommy shower : using deodorant instead of taking a shower
Pommy's towel, as dry as a : very dry - based on the canard that Poms bathe about once a month
Porky : Lie, untruth (pork pie = lie)
Port : suitcase (portmanteau)
Postie : postman, mailman
Pot : 285 ml beer glass in Queensland and Victoria
Pozzy : position - get a good pozzy at the football stadium
Prezzy : present, gift
Q
Quid, make a : earn a living - "are you making a quid?"
Quid, not the full : of low IQ. [Historical note: 'quid' is slang for a pound. £1 became $2 when Australia converted to decimal currency]
R
Rack off : push off! get lost! get out of here! also "rack off hairy legs!".
Rage : party
Rage on : to continue partying - "we raged on until 3am"
Rapt : pleased, delighted
Ratbag : mild insult
Raw prawn, to come the : to bullshit, to be generally disagreeable
Reckon! : you bet! Absolutely!
Reffo : refugee
Rego : vehicle registration
Rellie or relo : family relative
Ridgy-didge : original, genuine
Right, she : it'll be all right
Right, that'd be : Accepting bad news as inevitable. ("I went fishing but caught nothing." "Yeah, that'd be right.")
Rip snorter : great, fantastic - "it was a rip snorter of a party"
Ripper : great, fantastic - "it was a ripper party"
Ripper, you little! : Exclamation of delight or as a reaction to good news
Road train : big truck with many trailers
Roadie : a beer you buy to take away with you
Rock up : to turn up, to arrive - "we rocked up at their house at 8pm"
Rollie : a cigarette that you roll yourself
Roo : kangaroo
Roo bar : stout bar fixed to the front of a vehicle to protect it against hitting kangaroos (also bull bar)
Root (verb and noun) : synonym for f*ck in nearly all its senses: "I feel rooted"; "this washing machine is rooted"; "(s)he's a good root". A very useful word in fairly polite company.
Root rat : somebody who is constantly looking for sex.
Ropeable : very angry
Rort (verb or noun) : Cheating, fiddling, defrauding (expenses, the system etc.). Usually used of politicians
Rotten : drunk - "I went out last night and got rotten"
Rubbish (verb) : to criticize
S
Salute, Aussie : brushing flies away
Salvos, the : Salvation Army, bless them
Sandgroper : a person from Western Australia
Sanger : a sandwich
Sav : saveloy (see also "fair suck of the sav!")
Schooner : large beer glass in Queensland; medium beer glass in South Australia
Scratchy : instant lottery ticket
Screamer : party lover; "two pot screamer" - somebody who gets drunk on very little alcohol
Seppo : an American
Servo : petrol station
Shag on a rock, stands out like a : very obvious
Shark biscuit : somebody new to surfing
She'll be right : it'll turn out okay
Sheepshagger : A New Zealander
Sheila : a woman
Shit house (adj.) : of poor quality, unenjoyable ("this car is shit house", "the movie was shit house")
Shit house (noun) : toilet, lavatory
Shonky : dubious, underhanded. E.g. a shonky practice, shonky business etc.
Shoot through : to leave
Shout : turn to buy - a round of drinks usually ("it's your shout")
Show pony : someone who tries hard, by his dress or behaviour, to impress those around him.
Sickie : day off sick from work (chuck a sickie = take the day off sick from work when you're perfectly healthy!)
Skite : boast, brag
Skull/Skol (a beer) : to drink a beer in a single draught without taking a breath
Slab : a carton of 24 bottles or cans of beer
Sleepout : house verandah converted to a bedroom
Smoko : smoke or coffee break
Snag : a sausage
Sook : person or animal who is soft, tame, inoffensive. Hence sooky (adj.)
Spag bol : spaghetti bolognese
Spewin' : very angry
Spiffy, pretty spiffy : great, excellent
Spit the dummy : get very upset at something
Spruiker : man who stands outside a nightclub or restaurant trying to persuade people to enter
Sprung : caught doing something wrong
Spunk : a good looking person (of either sex)
Squizz (noun) : look - "take a squizz at this"
Standover man : a large man, usually gang-related, who threatens people with physical violence in order to have his wishes carried out.
Station : a big farm/grazing property
Stickybeak : nosy person
Stoked : very pleased
Stonkered : beaten, defeated, cornered, perplexed
Strewth : exclamation, mild oath ("Strewth, that Chris is a bonzer bloke")
Strides : trousers
Strine : Australian slang and pronunciation
Stubby : a 375ml. beer bottle
Stubby holder : polystyrene insulated holder for a stubby
Stuffed, I feel : I'm tired
Stuffed, I'll be : expression of surprise
Sunbake : sunbathe
Sunnies : sunglasses
Surfies : people who go surfing - usually more often than they go to work!
Swag : rolled up bedding etc. carried by a swagman
Swaggie : swagman
Swagman : tramp, hobo
T
Tall poppies : successful people
Tall poppy syndrome : the tendency to criticize successful people
Tallie : 750ml bottle of beer
Taswegian : derogatory term for a person from Tasmania
Tea : supper
Technicolor yawn : vomit
Tee-up : to set up (an appointment)
Thingo : Wadjamacallit, thingummy, whatsit
Thongs : cheap rubber backless sandals
Throw-down : small bottle of beer which you can throw down quickly.
Tickets, to have on oneself : to have a high opinion of oneself
Tinny : can of beer
Tinny : small aluminium boat
Tinny, tin-arsed : lucky
Togs : swim suit
Too right! : definitely!
Top End : far north of Australia
Trackie daks/dacks : tracksuit pants
Trackies : track suit
Troppo, gone : to have escaped to a state of tropical madness; to have lost the veneer of civilisation after spending too long in the tropics.
Trough lolly : the solid piece of perfumed disinfectant in a men's urinal
Truckie : truck driver
True blue : patriotic
Tucker : food
Tucker-bag : food bag
Turps : turpentine, alcoholic drink
Turps, hit the : go on a drinking binge
Two up : gambling game played by spinning two coins simultaneously
U
Ugg boots : Australian sheepskin boots worn by surfers since at least the 1960s to keep warm while out of the water. Also worn by airmen during WW1 and WW2 because of the need to maintain warmth in non-pressurized planes at high altitudes.
Ugh : ugly. hence Ugg boots
Uni : university
Unit : flat, apartment
Up oneself : have a high opinion of oneself - "he's really up himself"
Up somebody, get : to rebuke somebody - "the boss got up me for being late"
Useful as an ashtray on a motorbike / tits on a bull : unhelpful or incompetent person or thing - "he, she or it is about as useful as tits on a bull" etc. etc.
Ute : utility vehicle, pickup truck
V
Vedgies : vegetables
Vee dub : Volkswagen
Veg out : relax in front of the TV (like a vegetable)
Vejjo : vegetarian
Vinnie's : St. Vincent De Paul's (charity thrift stores and hostels)
W
WACA (pron. whacker) : Western Australian Cricket Association and the Perth cricket ground
Waggin' school : playing truant
Walkabout : a walk in the Outback by Aborigines that lasts for an indefinite amount of time
Walkabout, it's gone : it's lost, can't be found
Weekend warrior : army reservist
Whacker, whacka : Idiot; somebody who talks drivel; somebody with whom you have little patience; a dickhead
Whinge : complain
White pointers : topless (female) sunbathers
Whiteant (verb) : to criticise something to deter somebody from buying it. A car dealer might whiteant another dealer's cars or a real estate salesman might whiteant another agent's property
Wobbly : excitable behaviour ("I complained about the food and the waiter threw a wobbly")
Wobbly boot on, he's got the : drunk
Wog : flu or trivial illness
Wog : person of Mediterranean origin. A milder insult than the same word in the UK and perhaps elsewhere.
Wombat : somebody who eats, roots and leaves (see also root)
Woop Woop : invented name for any small unimportant town - "he lives in Woop Woop"
Wowser : straight-laced person, prude, puritan, spoilsport
Wuss : coward; nervous person or animal
X
XXXX : pronounced Four X, brand of beer made in Queensland
Y
Yabber : talk (a lot)
Yabby : inland freshwater crayfish found in Australia (Cherax destructor)
Yakka : work (noun)
Yewy : u-turn in traffic ("chuck a yewy at the next traffic lights")
Yobbo : an uncouth person
Z
Zack : sixpence (5 cents) - "it isn't worth a zack", "he hasn't got a zack"
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